Digging In

So, the day that I shared this garden plan with you, I happened to be busy at work lugging picking up supplies, prepping the soil, and planting the darn thing. While I still have some more outdoor chores to tackle (*ahem*flowerbeds*ahem*), I’m ecstatic to have this checked off the list. After all, it can’t grow until it’s in the ground…or, in this case, the raised beds.

The drawing I showed you Monday, of course, got changed a little bit. As with all things, life seems subject to availability, doesn’t it? So, I grabbed 8 (9, although I didn’t end up using the last one; will keep it for next year) bags of organic dirt and some peat moss (as my mother calls it “poor man’s fertilizer” — although I always assumed that’d be manure), then headed out to get plants.

First, I ventured to a local joint, T&J’s, to see what they had. I got a handful of marigolds (wish I’d gotten a second tray, but whatevs) and two types of lettuce, then headed to Lowe’s. I would’ve hit up a couple of other local places, but I was on a time crunch and trying to avoid Memorial Day parades, so this was my last stop. This is where I had to hit the brakes on a couple of the veggies we were hoping for.

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So, due to lack of supply, we cut out the peas (we were late planting those, anyway) and added a couple of squash plants and cucumbers (my husband’s new favorite water flavoring). I grabbed six bell pepper plants rather than, um, a ton (two red, two yellow, two green…like a stoplight) and juggled around the arrangements a bit. I also didn’t get any potatoes, but since those wouldn’t be ready until the fall I’m still considering them.

Here’s a pictorial play-by-play of how it all went down. (And feel free to use my example as a guide, but remember that I’m a trial and error type of gardener, so don’t blame me if something goes wrong!)If you already have raised beds, weed ’em. If not, build ’em. (This is the closest to how we did ours, although in hind sight we would have build them taller. Ya live, ya learn.) Yup, those are weeds, not veggies…

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Then, rough up the bed and spread that dirt. We add a few bags every year to each bed; this year, we added FOUR bags each.

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Oh, and that peat moss. Mix that in.

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Sexy Band-Aid, lady.
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Then, I like to take the plants out of their containers (unless they’re biodegradable) and place them where I may like them in the beds. This way, I can move them around and adjust accordingly BEFORE they’re in the ground. I also try to take into account what the packaging/tags say regarding distance from other plants and so forth.  

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Then, dig your spot, plunk the plant in, and cover that business with dirt. I gently tamp it to ensure that any larger stalks are able to stand straight. It’s really pretty self-explanatory and simple.

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Pretty cool, huh? So, in each of the four corners, I planted three different types of jalapenos. (Must say with inappropriate accent.) In the middles I planted four marigolds, but kind of wish I’d doubled up on both types of plants to evade cat and bug attacks.

Since the back bed is full sun (but still gets less of that super hot afternoon sunshine with a fence and tall bush/tree thingies behind it), I planted my romaine and “mixed” salad greens on the left, a cucumber in the middle, and two tomato plants (which will take over the planet if given the chance) on the right.

In the front, I planted the three types of sweet bell peppers on the left, some carrot seeds in the middle (hence lookin’ all empty), and the two squash plants on the right. And, in all honesty, I thought I was grabbing a squash and a zucchini, so this pissed me off royally.

I’ll be sure to provide some updates (weekly? Bi-weekly? Monthly? Does anyone caaaaare?? ;-)) to let you know a) how it’s growin’ (see what I did there?) and b) if the neighborhood cats win the battle. You know what I’m saying, right?

Right??

Oh, and it’s SO silly easy to plant plants that, of course, we made a video. I mean, how could you not?

Moderately Green

Am I the only 32-year-old who’s still trying to find her identity in a super awkward way? I hope that my son can see me as a fun, silly, intelligent, independent, take-no-guff sort of woman. He may be young enough still to naively see that, but I’m scared that he’s going to see me as the un-hot mess that I feel I truly portray on a daily basis…any day now.

Just puttin’ that out there. Am I alone? Maybe. And that’s okay.

To add to the un-hot messiness and my lack of real identity — I don’t identify as a librarian (although that’s technically what I am, in a school setting), I don’t identify as a 30-something most of the time (I’m still 12, right? Or am I 80?), I don’t identify with a million other things; I only truly identify as a wife and mother — I’m green. Er, well, I try to be green. I try as much as my oft-zapped energy will allow. And life sometimes gets in the way of that.
Thing is, seeing the levels of “green”-ness out there, it’s easy to deal with the dreaded green guilt. Actually, this happens in most areas of life these days — competition. It’s mostly a female thing, it gets greater and greater when you become a mom (WHY IS THAT?! As Arrested Development‘s Gob would say, “C’MON!!!”), and it can get overwhelming. Soccer moms. Urban moms. Christian moms. Heck, doggie moms.

“I did *such and such*.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, I did *a such and such deemed greater thing*.” {Thinks to self, “I’m the best.”}

It’s a thing, and it sucks.

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It’s not always stated openly this way, but just seeing blogs and Pinteresty ideas and such things, it’s hard not to get dragged down that you’re not doing enough.

Like…for instance…I’ve failed at some of the things that a green mama might use to generally identify herself as a green mama. Our diapering situation never took a turn for the cloth. It just didn’t. I used them a bit, but it never stuck. (We have used eco-friendly dipes all through, but still, I’d have preferred cloth.) Next time around, we’ll do them, I swear. But it just didn’t happen this time.

Baby wearing never stuck, either. Or baby led weaning. Or co-sleeping. Or probably 30 other things that the cool kids are doing. They just didn’t work for us.

I try not to feel badly about it, and I’m really learning how to not feel “Less” anymore. This really is a HUGE thing for me in every aspect of life. I’ve had self esteem issues f-o-r-e-v-e-r, and saying “I’m sorry!” for everything has become the norm. So, I’m working on apologizing less, taking responsibility only for myself, and not letting the judgments make me feel — you got it — Less than anyone else. That’s capitalized for good reason, by the way.  

Which is why I love contributing to Green Child Magazine. It never feels like work. I’m able to learn about topics that are directly important to me, and can often write the pieces pretty quickly out of sheer excitement. Currently, it’s an unpaid gig, but that’s fine to me. I’m “meeting” (virtually…do we still use that term, virtual?) some incredibly genuine, dedicated, talented, kind women in the process, and what’s better than that? No, really. What’s better? Good people are hard to find.
I mean, what’s better than this article (written awhile back, but still one of my faves), which pretty much sums up the fact that NO ONE’S doing it perfectly. No one’s living the “greenest” life. Whatever we’re doing…it’s good enough, until we decide to do more. At least we’re doing SOMETHING.

So, I’m happy with the things I do. Which, come to think of it, are plenty.

I’ve chatted with y’all about green guilt before. A few times, actually. But, it’s always good to return, especially now that I’m a mama…and green mamas be some of the coolest (yet competitive) ladies on earth. I’m trying just to be “enough” in my own book, and the best I can be for my family and the future of the planet.

Now, off to research essential oils. 😉

iCup

Remember saying that when we were kids? “I-C-U-P!!!” So mature. So very, very mature.

Anyhoo, today we have the story of three sippy cups. (Or, at least that’s what we call them. Sippy cups.)

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Bam.

We have #1, The Original. Our favorite.

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I’m inclined to say that these are all Nuk brand, but the ultimate issue here is that they change styles so. Damn. Quickly…who’s to say? What the Nuk.

So, yeah, Numero Uno. Two in a pack. No BPA (‘cuz homey don’t play that). Ultra squishy, silicon mouth piece sucker thing. Easy to use (no lining up of this with that 14 times before getting the lid on properly — believe me, we’ve had those). Great for a teething Monkey who likes chewing just as much as drinking.

Er. Juice. And milk.

We loved these. But, of course, when it was time to pick up another pack…none to be found. *sigh*

On to #2. Or, as I like to call it, The Dud.

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Note The Original peeking over its shoulder saying, “You’ll never be as good as me. NEVER.” He’s right, y’know.

Everything about these cups is the same — the handles, how the top screws on, the cute designs, the colors. Except for, of course, the most important part — the sucky part. (Literally.)

See, this one was COATED in some silicone-type material with a solid form on the inside — hence being less squishy and more rigid. Apparently when Monkey tried to chew…he did a little too well. Yeah, I don’t know how much he ingested, but I’m pissed about it.

*sigh* So, we went on a hunt last weekend. We didn’t care about the cost. We didn’t care about the brand. We just wanted a squishy sucky part!!!

The woman at Babies R Us asked several times if we needed help. Apparently the intensity of our brow furrows and super serious conversation were cause for concern. “No, no,” we dismissed. “We’ve got this.”

Picture us trying to squeeze through packaging to see how squishy the mouthpieces were. Strange, strange people. The weirdest part is that the Monkey in the cart just sat there, quiet as a mouse, fully accepting of the absurdity his parents were displaying.

This is what we came up with. Let’s call it “Sure, That’ll Do.” Because it’s not The Original, but it’ll do. Not perfect, but fine. And, these days, fine is awesome.

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It was a bit of a gamble, actually. We THOUGHT it had a squishy sucker part…but weren’t sure. But, yay(!!!), it does! The cool feature about this one is that it has a part that flips to cover the mouthpiece (ie save the inside of our diaper bag), and Monkey’s not the sort (anymore) to put that piece in his mouth if he happens to pop it loose (which he IS the sort to do). It even recesses into the lid when open, which is pretty neat.

Plus, he uses it. If you don’t know this about kids, they’re verrrrrrry particular. Like, “I won’t drink for a week+ if I don’t like the receptacle. Deal with it.” (Not that we’d let him go a week…but, yeah, they’re stubborn beasts.) So, that’s half the battle right there. Getting him to USE it.

Side note: Why does my kid NOT like chocolate milk? I mean, he’s not a big milk drinker in the first place, but when I add chocolate it’s like I’ve OFFENDED him. Like. Huh?? Maybe it’s a girl v. boy thing? He prefers sourness (pickles) and cheese, I guess.

So, anyhoo, these are my trials and tribulations of recent sippy cup usage. If I gave you the whole story from bottle to bib to sippies, we’d be here for a month. Seriously, I’ve got a bagful of once-tried sippy cups and bottles in the basement that never made the grade. I keep them in case they agree with a future (less finicky?) kiddo.

I won’t say that kids are super picky people, because aren’t we all kind of picky in our own ways? We like what we like. Kind of like cats.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Weening

This is kind of an emotional post for me to write. Not for you to read, just for me to write. Please bear with me, and apologies for the lack of super dorky graphics.

Hadley and I have been nursing (“I” because it takes both of us…can’t nurse him sleeping, can I? If so, I never figured out a way ;-)) for various periods of time for just shy of 22 months. I declare this number because just at the end of last week, I finally decided to have a talk with him.

See, I had no idea how to ween him. He had gotten down to one pre-bedtime nursing session (a very brief one, at that) and one extended middle-of-the-night/early-AM nursing session (which generally took a good hour to hour-and-a-half out of my sleep schedule nightly…if I could get back to sleep, argh). During the day, he had moved on to watered-down whole milk and juice, and plain ol’ water, so I wasn’t pumping anymore.

I realized that he was going to continue on with the nightly sleep deprivation until college until he understood that if he needed it, I’d be happy to get him up and nurse, but that if he was doing it for some unknown internal reason, he could sleep through it if he wanted.

So, during one of the pre-bedtime sessions last week, I chatted with him using the sweetest language I could muster, thinking that a) I was quite possibly borderline insane for thinking he’d comprehend and b) I was a horrible mother for taking this experience away. I still feel a deep twinge of sadness over it all, but let’s just say that a miracle happened. He stirred a bit at his usual “get up and nurse” time, but fell back asleep after a brief back rub, not to awaken again until the morning.

Next night: Even better, no stirring.

Following night: Same. Happy Mother’s Day, Mama!

Sunday night: A touch of whining, but back to bed like a champ. (Of course he awoke a bit; it was a school night. Why wouldn’t he get me up?)

Noticing a trend? We’re still doing our very brief, pre-bed “snack”, along with a heartfelt mother-to-son chat about whether he wants to get up for a nurse later on, but the killer middle-of-the-night wake-up calls have pretty much stopped. One night, he sat up wide awake and I chatted with him about it — he didn’t really want to nurse, he implied (yes or no questions are da bomb), so I explained that it was time to go back to sleep. Head down, eyes shut, bam. Asleep.

It’s almost (pretty much) the end of an era. I kept hitting milestone points. We made it to 12 months. We made it to 18 months. He’s hardly gotten sick, hooray for breastmilk.

So, why am I still feeling guilty that I’ve ended it? There’s a badge of honor amongst nursing mamas these days — not all, mind you, but a handful — that the longer you do it, the more…I don’t know…the better(?) you are.

At the same time, I try to remind myself that this is what works for us. I wasn’t planning on having a 4-year-old still regularly nursing. Our nursing wasn’t much about comfort for Hadman, either (different kids do it and use it for different reasons; he never sought nursing out when he was emotional or upset or hurt). I’m proud that I was the first woman in generations of my family to “make it work.” And I still hold firm to the belief that if it doesn’t work out for you, it’s NOT your fault, and you can only do what’s best for you and your family.

Not that there’s one “best” that works for everyone. Or that my “best” is better than yours. It’s not.

It’s just mine. And ours.

Happy 22-month birthday, Hadley.

Partying Simply

Last Wednesday, I revealed my plans for Hadley’s second birthday party (which will be in July). Can you tell I’m a tad excited about it??

While I was typing up that post, I thought about all the things that we do to try to keep the festivities eco-friendly. Mind you, in all things green, I think we’ve plateaued at a nice medium kelly green; not mint green (not at all eco-friendly) but not even bordering on dark moss (practically living in the woods). It’s a place we’re comfortable being. Our efforts are still there and have become a habitual part of our lives, but we don’t sweat it if we have to use a paper towel once in awhile. Y’know?

So, that said, I thought I’d share a few of the *simple* tricks and tools we use to keep a birthday shindig more about the monkey and less about the ozone.

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Reuse, reuse, reuse. I don’t expect every guest not to use wrapping paper, but if I can, I recycle it. (I WILL love you forever if you bring a gift bag. That’s almost all I use anymore. Perfect for reusing!) Our decorations this year will also utilize the poufs I hung around last year (if they’ve survived), probably along with a handful more that I’ll make new. The sign for “Hadley’s Party” I made last year will be tapped into the front lawn again, too. So, any decorations you make or buy, consider whether they’ll have a future purpose, or can at least be recycled (hello, crepe paper!) when you’re done. I’m also going to hit up the thrift shops to see if they have any yellow or blue curtains or sheets to use as tablecloths (may or may not work, but we could use them in the future, too!) Heck, I even saved the party hats I bought last year. I’m turning into a grandmother from the Depression, I swear.

NO BALLOONS ALLOWED. Again, I don’t expect everyone to follow this rule, but as far as my decorating goes…nada. Hence the poufs. Those things are SO scary to me. I don’t want them near my kid (choking hazard) or in the landfill (SO VERY BAD for animals, you guys!!!). If someone gifts one (usually the Mylar kind in the shape of something), it’s fine, but I am a hawk about watching Hadley with it. Plus, I take it out ONLY when I can watch him, then put it in MY bedroom closet. Seriously. It’s Fort Knox up in here.

Use whatchya got. This goes hand-in-hand with reusing decorations. With the ducky theme this year, we’ve got a handful of rubber duckies (although I’ll probably have to get a handful more, admittedly) at home to use for decoration. I also have a mini red wagon (which Hadley, like, never fit in) that would be awesomesauce on a table with some hay or raffia in it. Oh, and I’ll peruse his toys to see if anything else goes with the theme.

Invites. Okay, this is a tricky one. If your family’s a super hip one full of folks who are tech-savvy, good for you. No, really, that’s awesome! But my family has some, shall we say, old school folks (again, not a bad thing!) who don’t spend much time perusing the ol’ interwebs. Thus, I make invitations. How do I keep it relatively low waste? I invite fewer people. Tricky of me, huh? Honestly, less people also equals less waste; makes sense, huh? Oh, and believe me, we DO invite the folks who mean the most to us, so no one’s missing out here. We’re just not inviting everyone we ever met. We didn’t do it for our wedding, we’re not doing it for our son’s second birthday party. 😉

Cups and flatware and plates, oh my! Some folks might suggest to use reusable (or “real”) plates/silverware/glasses/etc. Believe me, it crossed my mind last year, but I also fall victim of the a) that’s gonna take awhile to clean and b) people are raising an eyebrow at me…AGAIN complexes. Instead, I only get the items that I know we’ll need (no bowls if there’s nothing soup-like or ice creamy), and I try my best to get the compostable stuff. Of course, last year I only found a couple of compostable kinds of flatware, so had to supplement with other plastic ones (grr), so this year will probably consist of using all that up. Again…don’t sweat the small stuff, just do your best. Just know that there are more eco-friendly options out there.

Simplify your theme. You could also avoid a theme altogether, but I’m a nut for a good theme. Goodness knows how long I can get away with one! So, this year’s ducky theme will lead into an awesome homemade Sesame Street theme next year (reusing the colorful decorations, duckies, and Hadley’s plush toys instead of buying a bunch of trademarked stuff). Simple is best.

Actually, simplify, in general. This isn’t one that we’ve succeeded with as far as friends and family purchasing gifts entails. As Hadman gets bigger, we’ll talk with him about what he really wants and other ways we could ask people to spend their money in honor of his birthday, but at this age I don’t want it to seem forced. So, we accept graciously (and sometimes have to return doubles or the things we simply haven’t the space for). However, Dave and I try to keep it minimal and put tons of thought into what he’s getting based on his interests and what concepts we’d like for him to learn.   



So, here were just a few easy ideas to hopefully help you consider the environment whilst partying it up. There are already a few great resources on the web (like this and this and this) to help you in this arena, so I’m clearly not reinventing the wheel here. Just wanted to let you know what I prioritize in my mind so I’m not ultimately overwhelmed by all the craziness that birthday planning could possibly turn into.
    

What Women Want

{Wasn’t that a wonderfully atrocious movie? Or am I the only one who saw it? I don’t remember at what point Mel Gibson became unwatchable, but it was just around that time…}

Anyhoo, extra post this week!! This one is about gifting the ladies. Heck, this could be about gifting anybody, but around our house, ’tis the season for Mom. Er, me.

I have a tough time receiving gifts, mostly because a) I’m uncomfortable being the center of attention (yes, I’m an actress…why do you ask? ;-)) and b) I’m always concerned that I won’t like the thing, and I ALWAYS try to find the “isn’t that wonderful???” joy in gifts. I’m not picky, I’m just…um…exclusive about what I want to keep around my house. I can’t really put a percentage on what I don’t keep, but if I don’t really like it or if it doesn’t find use after a certain amount of time…out it goes. (Wow, I sound brutal. I’m really not!)

Since today’s my birthday (woohoo, I’m old! Like, the age my mom always told me to tell my teachers SHE was, old) and Mother’s Day is coming up, I thought I’d share a few items that you might not have thought of when perusing the shops for your lady friend/sister/mother/etc. These may not be every lady’s cup of tea, but they’re mine — the type of lady who’s into history, who doesn’t tend to let her bits and pieces hang out in public (ie dressing for “clubbing”…do the kids still call it that? “Clubbing”?), who’s equal parts simple yet highly particular.

My God. I’m my mother. And my grandmother.

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– Speaking of “cup of tea”, tea. Definitely tea. If she’s into tea, hook her up with a basket of her faves. If she likes it loose (hee hee), hit up a quality store in the area and get her some nice supplies — like one of those ball thingies, a bag/box of loose, and a sweet little mug. (Check out Etsy for some Mom mugs that don’t suck. You know what I mean. ;-))

If she’s a coffee-drinker, get that same mug but hook her (I wrote that “hooker” the first time around…where am I today??) up with a gift card to her favorite cafe or, yes, even Dunkin Donuts if it’s more convenient for her. These things sound so simple, but they don’t take up a ton of space, they’re thoughtful, and she’ll USE them. That’s the main point here.

And, okay, okay. If she’s a wine drinker, a NICE (nice doesn’t always mean expensive) bottle of wine (and maybe the suggestion that you’ll cook or pick up dinner for the night)  

Sunglasses. Observe the style of glasses that your particular lady uses (that’s the important part; you don’t want to go getting aviators when she likes a John Lennon style) and get a pair as similar as you can find. These can be as cheap or expensive as you like, but buy them knowing that one can NEVER have enough pairs of sunglasses. I had a great pair at the end of fall last year and I have no idea where they ran to…so, I had to buy a new pair. (Kohl’s for around $8. Not too shabby.) Always great to have several, especially with kids around who mangle them and accident-prone folks who sit on them.

Flowers. This may sound traditional or cheesy or “duh, Meg”, but I tell you I’m always flattered by flowers. They add some joy to the house, tell you without having to TELL you that you’re loved, and they don’t clutter the joint up for too long (ahem). And if you’re like us and you have a slew of cats, you can either check out this site for some safe options (there are way too many non-safe ones to mention, and they’re unfortunately far too often the popular choices) or grab a potted plant or two for her to plant outside. (Hanging plants are cool, too.) Either way, flowers are a grand gesture of romanticism and even sweeter when you have your little one hand them over. *melt*

Something handmade. Speaking of little ones, what’s better than kiddie art?? This can be wicked simple: have your munchkin draw a picture (even the little kids can “make” something that turns out to be wickedly cool and abstract) on a sheet of computer paper. Then purchase a nice frame that’ll go with your house decor (can’t go wrong with a chic black or white one, but if she’s into traditional or rustic, buy a wood one). A beautiful frame really elevates the sketch into a work of art that she can hang anywhere in the house or at work, and the thought behind it will mean even more.

A magazine or bookmark. Okay, follow me here. I love reading. But, my time these days is either too full to do so or way too exhausted to follow a storyline (sad but true). So, if your lady is like me, check the magazine aisles at Barnes and Noble and grab a new one you think she might like. Put some thought into what her interests are, and I guarantee you there’s at least one magazine to suit those interests. By purchasing one, you’re seeing how she likes it; if she does, tell her you’ll get the full subscription. (If she doesn’t, at least you haven’t bought an entire wasteful subscription; offer to buy her one of her choosing, in this case.) And if she DOES have time to read, those funky bookmarks at B&N (or on Etsy) are wicked cool and way more fun to use than, say, a wayward receipt or (ahem) a few sheets of toilet paper. 

Cheesy coupons. While I know for a fact that my mom still has some of these leftover from when both my sister and I made some for her, I think I’d really appreciate a handmade (or computer-printed) stack of these coupons. You know what I’m talking about: “These coupon good for one night of washing dishes.” “This coupon good for one diaper change.” And so on. Think about what she really does a lot of around the house and what you and your kids could do. (Hadley couldn’t really do these, although he could “help.” This is more from Daddy in our case.) Right now a “This coupon good for one good, long hug” coupon isn’t really relevant (we do plenty of that all over the place at our house), but when Hadman’s a teenager, I’d probably kill for one of those. Ack. Don’t make me think about it!

A subscription to Ancestry.com. This is actually what I requested for my combination birthday/Mother’s Day. I had received a 6-month subscription for Christmas and I have absolutely LOVED digging into our family history — all the way back to the late 1400s, in some cases. Seeing that I’ll have a touch more time this summer to dig even more, I decided to ask for an “extension” when it runs out in June. It’s not cheap (hence asking for it for my birthday AND Mother’s Day), but I have to say it’s the best gift I think I’ve ever received. That good. 

So, what do you think? Would you want any of these things? What would you add to the list, ladies? (Notice I said ladies, ha.)   

Embracing Self Care – Taking Some R&R

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It’s kind of funny that this week’s theme is rest and relaxation, considering LAST week was my spring break. We all know that doesn’t necessarily mean R&R, though, right? Especially whilst chasing around a little boy with more energy than half a high school football team and emptying, painting, and re-filling the dining room.

But, the truth is that this week is more about finding healthy ways of treating ourselves. Of finding that rest and relaxation in a healthy, self-kind (totally made that word up) way. In my mind, it’s also about a couple of the issues I addressed during my “self assessment“: life balance and making time for “us” (having fun together as a couple, having fun together as a three-peas-in-a-pod family, etc).

I thought it’d be helpful to make a list of the things that I think *would be achievable* to help bring some rest/relaxation/fun into my world (solo), our world (couple), and our world (family).

For ME:

Reading. For me, this involves turning off the TV at the end of the day and MAKING myself read. Sounds weird, being a librarian and all, but the fact is still that I’m beyond exhausted (even if I go to bed at 9) and if the TV’s on, I simply won’t relax or be able to focus on what I’m reading. I literally have a STACK of books and magazines next to my bed that I’ve started but haven’t been able to chip away at.

First things first, though. I need to look them over and see which ones I’m actually in the mood for. It feels daunting to see a stack 20 books high waiting to be read, like anxious puppies all vying for your attention. Guilt, guilt, guilt. So, the ones I’m waiting on will go in another stack, far far away from my guilt-ridden eyes. The ones I WANT (3, max) will sit…and will be read. I may not turn off the TV every single night, but every other night, it will be done. Oh, yes.

That whole meditation thing. I talked about this during my spirituality self care conversation, but think that it overlaps into the rest and relaxation side of things, too. Finding one’s center can soooooo help in handling the other side of the seesaw, can’t it? 

Research. Wait, is that fun? When it’s my guilty pleasure of trolling ancestry.com to discover enthralling facts about my ancestors and family tree, yes. The only issue here is that the only time I tend to find to dig around is at the end of the day, pre-bedtime (and often overlapping well into bedtime…last weekend I was up until 2am one night). So, I’ve gotta figure out the balance between reading, ensuring that I actually pay attention to my husband after the baby goes down, and sleep in order to allow myself time to do this stuff.

For US (couple):

Engage more. We are SO good at living life next to each other. You know the way: living in the “now” (not in that good way), making sandwiches next to each other, discussing issues ahead for that given day, scooping cat poop and changing diapers and chasing a naked toddler around…but not really TALKING to each other, or checking in about, “Hey, how you doin’?” or, well, lots of things.

I talk to my kids about “being engaged” and “actively listening and participating”, but I’ve gotta check in with him to see how he sees us doing this. I swear we email each other more during the day about personal issues we’re having than we discuss them in “real life.” Not that that’s a bad thing….

Date. We haven’t done this a lot since Hadman came around, but truth be told, we didn’t do it much beforehand, either. Maybe back in our “courting” days (man, I sound like a Duggar; a Duggar, I ain’t…love them, though), we did this, but the time, energy, and money don’t seem there for this.

The time, I understand, but we haven’t managed our time great lately. Energy…well, yeah, ya got me there. Our “dating places” tend to be 30 minutes in each direction, so it isn’t an easy thing just to go out to dinner or hit up a movie. If I’m totally honest, though, these are all silly excuses. A date doesn’t HAVE to be going some place special — or even some place, at all. Dang it, we’ve got a Redbox about 4 blocks from our house, Dave makes the best air-popped organic popcorn EVER, and we can totally swing some half-caff to keep our eyes open after the baby hits the hay. (I’m talkin’ a Friday or Saturday night.) On the other side, I’m dying to get to a REAL movie sometime, and I know he’s talked a lot about hitting up Beardslee or some other locavore haunt, so the time’s upon us.

For US (family):

Plan. Sometimes the planning is as much excitement and fun as the actual doing. The anticipation and preparation for a vacation (even just an overnight trip of some sort) is enough to give you energy to see through the really sucky or depressing times. Plus, planning a totally family-oriented trip means that you’ll be better prepared for traveling with a toddler and foreseeing his needs (such as planning plenty of stops to run around a grassy area — one of his favorite things) makes the actual trip run way smoother. Win-win!

Enjoy the now (in the good way). I mentioned “living in the now” before, but now I mean it in that “enjoy the good moments, for they’ll be gone before you know it; enjoy the bad moments, for they’re not so bad in the long run” sort of way. It’d be easy to get downtrodden with how many meltdowns Hadman has. It’d be easy to get downtrodden by how many times I find myself not yet showered (for time sake, I shower at night), with zero dinner plans, a fussy baby who also needs a bath, and a looming bedtime. Craziness. But, it’s not the end of the world.

Above all, the best way to get some rest and relaxation is to cut yourself…and your loved ones…some slack. Isn’t it strange that we’re harsher on ourselves than we’d ever be on an enemy?

Embracing Self Care – Health & Spirituality

Last week, I did a self-analysis for the blog project hosted by The Humbled Homemaker called…

http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2014/03/embracing-self-care-community-blogging-project.html

Is it weird that I feel a touch of guilt to turn the focus on myself vs. taking care of everyone else? Ack. That’s what this whole thing is about, though; recognizing that it’s imperative to take care of OURSELVES in order to properly care for our families and loved ones.

Anyhoo, back to the task at hand. One of the issues that I mentioned last week is that, thanks to the crazy scheduled, toddler-centric, over-tired aspects of our life, we seem to be out of touch with our spirituality.

*record scratch*

Okay. This would probably be a good time to state publicly: We’re part of that growing percentage of folks who don’t really identify with a religion. Read: We’re non-religious. Not atheist. Not nontheist, even. Just…don’t identify. I like to say that we’re both recovering Catholics, and I think Dave is a mix of atheist with a good dose of Buddhist. And I’m essentially “undecided” on the checklist.

It feels terribly taboo to even make such an announcement, but since this week is all about spirituality, it seemed a good time to mention it. See, I’m not sure the last time I read a blog from someone who wasn’t a known Christian. Not kidding. Most of the homestead-y blogs I follow are run by uber Christians. Even a lot of the shelter blogs I enjoy are run by super religious folks.

And I enjoy them, even when I think to myself, “Huh. I’m a tad uncomfortable that I’m not ‘part of the club.'” Read: I never write about religion because I don’t want to alienate anyone… So hopefully no one’s offended by our current religious decisions. It’s where we are, and I’d rather be honest than mute.

I’m actually quite well versed in the religions (I was very close to majoring in philosophy in college, and as I see it, religion is all about a person’s life philosophy) and have a plethora of priests/ministers on both sides of my family. I’ve been “converted” once [clearly didn’t stick…and my mom flipped, understandably so; I was, like, 10 years old]. I’ve had a love-hate relationship with traditional organized religion and experimented with Eastern religions in high school. (Thanks, Beatles and Peter Tork, for your influence.)

The most “in touch” I ever was with my spiritual side was definitely when I was in about 9th grade and had read A LOT about transcendental meditation. I’ve gotta tell ya…that $%&# is real. Meditation helped me to find myself during a normally confusing, crazy hormonal time. It helped me to recognize the “truth” of life. It helped me learn how to cope with stress and center myself in ANY situation. It helped me to connect with my surroundings and nature in deeper consciousness levels. Heck, I used to be so in-touch with my inner being that I still remember my first out-of-body meditation experience — in a very busy cafeteria during study hall the day of Mr. Hefner’s funeral. How’s that for specific? LOL.

So, let’s just say, I don’t judge folks for their religion if they don’t judge me. Can’t we all just get along? 😀

SPIRITUAL CARE

Needless to say, I’m not centered anymore. The life of a teenager is worlds away from that of a grown up mama. I can still analyze the stress level of a situation and calm myself mentally, but there’s zero meditation. Zero spiritual connection. Zero gravitational pull.

Dave has mentioned an interest in meditation before, but nothing has ever come of it. I’m going to bring it up to him and see if he’d be interested in a) learning how to do it (I’m rusty, but I’ve got a pretty good foundation) and b) actually putting it into our schedule rotation.

Even if he’s not interested, I’d like to be able to add PEACE into each day. Even a minimum of ten minutes spent with zero TV, zero phone, zero internet will hopefully help me start to center. A little at a time. 🙂 And I think that I’ll be able to find some patience to deal with an almost-terrible-twos munchkin and an ability to focus better on Dave and his needs.

HEALTH CARE

On a health note, we also need to analyze our sleep situation. We’ve been going to sleep earlier and earlier, to no avail. We still wake up relatively exhausted. Whuh??

According to this British article (love those!), there are a couple of things I’m doing wrong. Firstly, I hit snooze. Heck, I actually set two alarms on my phone — an initial one, then the “bonus!” one that makes me feel like I hit the ten minute jackpot. Silly girl. No more of that.

Secondly, the thing that makes the most sense AND helps us get in touch with our spirituality (hello, 2 birds + 1 stone) is GETTING OUTSIDE. It’s been one heck of a winter for, um, everyone everywhere, so we’ve definitely gotten in a “sit on our arses” rut. It’s time for us all (as a family) to get a-walkin’.

Remember when we were kids and the first nice day hit? We’d run outside and play with anything that wasn’t covered in cobwebs, or just walk around the block — LOVING that we just had to wear our brother’s hand-me-down light jacket (since we’d only needed it for, like, a week). Didn’t we sleep like babies that night? Of course.

Well, that’s the idea here. I wish we could do it daily, but with P/T two nights and dinner-making, I just don’t think it’s plausible. However, if I make a concerted effort to plan SIMPLE meals and get outside a few times each week, it might help recharge us enough to try it even more. Baby steps. 🙂

How are you doing with your spiritual and health journey? Are you in need of any fine tuning in any areas? Do you ever feel uncomfortable when your religious views don’t align with someone else who wears it on their sleeve? Or is that just me? 😉

Embracing Self Care – Know Thyself

Over the next few Wednesdays in April, I’ll be taking part in a little blogging exercise (hosted by the Humbled Homemaker, woohoo!) by chatting about the different facets of self-care. You know the ones. Things like health and spirituality, finding peace in the home (this encompasses several concepts), and healthy ways to find R and R. Those things we tend to ignore on a day-to-day basis. Remember those?

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I absolutely love this theme. Whether you’re a student who is too busy (or too stubborn…hey, I’ve been there) to properly take care of yourself, or a parent who is too swamped and exhausted to think past the rest of the family, or just an individual who has gotten into a rut, anyone can relate to forgetting to take care of yourself.

There are so many more relevant, important things to worry about, right?

Wrong.

This is an underlying, unspoken issue that I see bubble up from time to time in my family. The Dorky Daddy and I are able to compartmentalize — parenthood/family, work, maybe a hobby from time to time (acting or writing or working on our websites). But, those are the only constantly-present “compartments” of our lives.

What else falls to the wayside? Um. Lots. Here are some of my personal concerns:

Cleaning and true organization. Just ask the cake of dust on my bedroom TV. (What? We’re the only ones watching it, and rarely at that. Why clean it often? Ahem. Yeah, I’m wrong.)

Health. (She says as she sits sneezing and nursing a headache while writing this.) But, seriously, this also relates to the fact that a lot of days we find ourselves just so exhausted or fatigued.

Inner peace. We’re not what anyone might call “religious,” but I know we’d both like to get in touch with our spiritual sides better.

Balance. Okay, for realsies, I’ve heard a lot of folks say that this simply isn’t possible. Well, I’m pretty sure that’s not 100% true. Life is totally a seesaw, and that’s not a bad thing. But it’s obvious when things are tipping far too much in one direction. For example, when Dave was working at his previous job, it didn’t just take the time he was there, but additional work from home, as well as the stressful distraction that it caused for him. His seesaw is now officially WAY more balanced, and it’s a better thing for ALL of us. Side note: We’re still grateful for this DAILY.

“Us.” This is more of a “we need to make a concerted effort to spend time together and HAVE FUN” than a “we have issues” thing. We’ve gotta make some dates and enjoy them. We need to focus on whether or not the other person is doing too much and try to take the load off. We need to discuss openly tasks that we have to work on around the house (or other things they need help with) and actively plan on days and times to work on them. This has all been easy to forget when so much of life revolves around a high-maintenance toddler. We need to take folks up on the offer to babysit more, and find more things that we can do as a trio (not just baby-centric stuff).

My ultimate issue is simply figuring out how to use my time wisely. There’s so much I want to achieve, but getting motivated when I’m exhausted, or balancing the time between family and the rest of life, or ensuring that I don’t let something important fall to the bottom of the list. Focusing on a different topic each week may help me implement a few small, achievable tips — and I’d LOVE to hear any suggestions you have (or even to commiserate a bit about our individual issues).

Remember, our ultimate goal here is to focus on self care.

So, how well do you “know thyself”? What areas do you need to work on?

On this week, we’ll be assessing our needs and our personalities and getting a handle on what kind of self-care needs to happen in our lives. – See more at: http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2014/03/embracing-self-care-community-blogging-project.html#sthash.USyLHbo4.dpuf

Let’s Get Physical, Physical


It’s our last weekend for “Don’t Talk to the Actors,” folks! If you’re in the area and in the mood for some PG-13ish entertainment in a quaint historical setting, hit us up at 8 tonight…or 8 tomorrow night…or 2 on Sunday. Please and thanks! You won’t regret it, and neither will I!!

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Yeah, no. I can’t do this.
It pains me to look.

Okay, on with the main event. (Thought y’all could use a non-theater post for one day. Happy Friday to YOU!)

I’ve mentioned a few times lately the fact that I’m going to physical therapy. Long story short, it seems that I had some extra wear-and-tear on my knees while pregnant (um, baby was big) and I did a lot more than I probably should have. When you have pregnancy pains, you tend to assume they’re just that — pregnancy pains — rather than an actual “thing.” I also didn’t adjust properly to walking/moving “normally” post-pregnancy.

So, I’ve got a couple of Baker’s cysts, which are just minute tears ([not min-it teers, but my-noot tares] in this case, on the back of both of my knees — nothing you can SEE, but you could feel them if you crawled into my achy body) that fill with the fluid that’s supposed to help my knee caps do their thang. There are a couple of other issues, but that’s generally the idea of the thing. I’ve been sore, and at times it’s been super difficult to move or squat, let alone shelve books at work.

The ultimate goal is to build up my thighs to support my knees better, as well as build up the strength again in my knees. Just call me “Thunder Thighs!!!” Not sure if those tears will ever heal on their own, but it’d be nice.

I’m going to a local place, Fitness Forum, which has been good for the most part. However, my biggest challenges are the facts that —

a) I just had a different doctor last week (filling in for my usual physical therapist) who gave me a completely different regiment of exercises,

b) I’m awkward as heck in “gym” situations, so I always feel like I’m doing it wrong (or just when I think I’m doing it right, the p/t tells me I’m not…embarrassing), and

c) I’ve had a very hard time finding the TIME to do my home exercises — the biggest challenge.

I’m trying to stay positive, but I’ve never been a super active person. Maybe that’s one reason my legs are so “surprisingly” tight for a “girl my age.” (Love that. Not.)

In high school, I played tennis and enjoyed it greatly (and attempted short stints with basketball and volleyball — not so great). Oh, and as a senior, I tried bowling, but that was a way to connect with my dad’s hobby and I wasn’t even close to good. I disliked gym; I was a music-English-history girl. Heck, I would’ve stayed with volleyball if my JV coach hadn’t been borderline abusive (verbally and physically pushing me to the point of throwing up every day; not the whole team) about not belonging there — she had gone to school with my siblings, who were band geeks like myself.

See? A bit of emotional soreness over athletics. Blah.

But, this is something else. This is to allow me to do my work again the way it needs to be done. This is to allow me to crawl around with my son and change his diaper and play with him without groaning in pain every time. This is to give me my energy and feeling of normalcy back.

It’ll be worth it, I know. I just have to jump some mental hurdles first — my own issues. Here’s how I hope to handle them:

a) Check in with my regular physical therapist to ensure that I’m doing the proper exercises…’cuz, yeah, they’re 100% different than what I was doing. (I have since done this, and while I have a million exercises, I’m adapting them to my needs. ie Not doing them all everyday.)

b) Get the heck over it. There are a TON of high school athletes around me doing exercises (and knowing full well how to do them) and a BUTTLOAD of older folks (dressed in Dockers and belts…? Here I was worried about my ratty sweatpants on the first day. I HAVE amended this situation that I blend in well enough, thanks to new sweats and new sneakers.), so I’m a rare creature. As with most things in life, I’ll just do my best and listen to what they tell me to do and deal with it. After all, it’s not forever. Just like gym class.

c) Um, yeah. This part sucks. I’m supposed to do them 2 times a day (they had mentioned 2-3, but we all know that ain’t happenin’). It seems that every time I go, the amount of exercises double — either in duration or just by changing what I’m doing — so it’s been confusing to LEARN the exercises as well as dig out the time to do them. (An assistant there that I LOVE has recently told me that once a day, especially with the busy life I’ve got goin’ on, is just fine. I love her.) SO, my attempt at a strategy here is to do them in the bedroom, when possible.

Wait, what? Yes, in the bedroom. If I get up early (5:30, people!!!! NO!), turn on the news, and do them while I don’t have any distractions (ahem, baby crawling on my stomach thinking it’s hysterical to sit on Mommy’s belly while she’s doing bridges, and, ahem, husband who doesn’t realize how much focus a grown woman needs to count to 20), I think I’m more apt to do them. Er, at least most of them. There are a couple of the exercises I’ve cut out on my own (probably breaking a cardinal rule, but…) because they’re painful. Like, direct knee contact that seems to be causing more issues than doing good type of stuff. (Don’t worry; I talk to my PT about it and we figure stuff out.)

Oh, and the same thing goes for the evenings (when I’m not into doing the 5:30 thing). When it’s time to chill out for the night, it seems that having one “zone” to do these exercises is half the battle. Plus, Dave zones out with his graphic novels (he is the Dorky Daddy, after all) and we can throw on The Big Bang Theory (or whatever, I’m not choosy…man, we are dorky) and I get the job done.

*sigh* I’ll get through it. And, y’know what? When I do, I hope to be pain-free enough to sign back up for some weekly yoga. Plus, when spring *finally* arrives (we have snow in the forecast…as long as that’s sitting on the 7-day outlook, it ain’t spring), we’ll be able to do family walking after work on a few days thanks to the hubby’s “new and improved” schedule.

See? Always a silver lining. 😉