Will You Wear My Friendship Bracelet?

For some, this post may apply to you at age 26. For others, maybe age 39. Still others, it may not apply at all. In which case, read away and enjoy being a totally well-adjusted, sociable person. You’re winning at life, and I salute you, my friend. Text me? No? Oh. Okay.

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Friends. Buddies. Pals. Besties. Homegirls (or boys). BFFs. Whatever term you use, it seems that there’s a weird shift that happens after a certain age. It tends to happen post-quarterlife crisis (which may last different durations depending on the person and their situation), when finding all the settling-down trappings of life — a sweet spouse, a pet or two (or three), maybe even babies.

When you settle into living with your best friend (the one you want to grow old with; you know the one), your schedules intertwine, your to-dos rely upon the other’s availability (or willingness to watch the munchkin for you while you do your own thing), and you come to find more value in watching your favorite black-and-white movies together in PJs than you do hitting up a local bar.

Or maybe your local bars are overrun by college kids and an environment that simply doesn’t appeal. Or maybe it’s too loud to talk over the noise. Or maybe you gave up that scene long ago. All of the above, please.

So, anyhoo, life takes over. Not an excuse. It just does.

On top of this, socializing is equal parts emotion, sport, entertainment, and game, especially when you first know someone. Playing the game (“When are you free?” That’s half the battle), doing so skillfully while supporting your friend and still enjoying yourself simultaneously? It all needs to be balanced. And it becomes more of a challenge as you grow older and have less time to devote to properly maintaining a friendship, especially while maintaining a career, a happy, fulfilling marriage, a happy, well-adjusted child, and a relatively happy (if not disorderly) home. Toss in hopes and dreams and one’s cup runneth over…and not always in the best of ways.

For some of us, developing new friendships is tough in the first place. We’re not in college anymore, where you could bump into someone from one of your classes in the cafeteria and strike up a pleasant conversation about the tacos. We’re not in high school, where you most likely knew 90% of the people in highly intimate ways (“Remember Angela Farfigneugan who showed her purple polka dotted undies in 2nd grade?”) and felt like you were all kind of related in the first place. Or even the first day of kindergarten where the girl you shared the yummy paste green crayon with would be your BFF for the next ten years.

Making. New. Friends. Sucks. (Generally.) And in the Mom World, first impressions are everything. What can I say? Lots of moms seem…um…judgy. So, yeah. If I’m out at the playground with a particularly hysterical 2-year-old and make eye contact with a possible future BFF, will my parenting/aka personality/aka whole being be questioned? Plus, I’m not great at connecting. 

If you know me in “real life”, you’re probably aware that I’m pretty awkward. Okay, very awkward. I have a hard time not weirding people out during a conversation. I try to look into their eyes but end up doing it too long, then stare at the floor. I do listen well, but I probably give off the impression that I’m not. Or maybe that I’m psychotic. Either/or. I’ve also lost all ability to select appropriate conversational topics. Poop! Let’s talk about poop. Cat poop, baby poop, husband poop; it’s all the same. Aaaand I’ve gone too far.

Now that you know all of my social flaws (hug me), let’s just say that the friendships that I do have are pretty damn important to me. 

This doesn’t mean that I don’t inadvertently, completely unintentionally neglect those highly cherished friends. Might months go by until I call or text? Absolutely. Do we rarely get together? Sure. But, when we do, a simple cup of coffee or meal together recharges me and fills me with such joy — and hopefully my friends feel the same.

So, naturally, I hope to find more connections like these. A little support sharing, back-and-forth, from a like-minded person with a few similarities. Befriending mamas is the easiest way for the other person to realize that, yes, schedule wrangling might be a little tough and, no, we won’t always be available to each other. But, guess what. We have other built-in support to get us through those times. Those husbands for venting and crying (and laughing) with. Those babies for distracting us with heightened levels of awesomeness. Those furbabies for the sincerest form of cuddling known to man. We make it work.

Non-mama friends sometimes get this — and those are truly some of my best friends. But, the older I get, the harder it seems to make those friends. Sometimes it’s even difficult to keep the old ones. I’m not a fan of it, but I can face the grim reality; it does happen. Here you get married and you never think you’ll be dealing with a break-up ever again, and…bam…you find out that there’s a whole other type of break-up that you forgot all about, and it hurts just as much.

I only wish I knew how to juggle it all – work, marriage, motherhood, responsibilities to all of that while also paying bills and maintaining a house. Somewhere in there I try to carve out a little bit of life and time for myself (like this blog). But, I’m not 16 anymore, or 21, or even 27. Those were completely different lifetimes. Now, everything (including friendships) takes more work, more time, and it doesn’t always go the way I’d like. A new person might care less about what I have to say and I never hear or see them again. I may lose touch with an old friend and before I know it, weeks become months become years. It can downright suck when I stop for a moment to come up for air and realize I’ve lost a person who’s been part of my cast since elementary school.

I know I’m not alone, not the first to go through this, but it doesn’t make it any easier to handle or plow through on those days when it hits me, when I reflect on the past, and I see how much has changed. There is no magic answer, no magic word that can make it so. I wish there was. But sometimes I just don’t know. However, the best part of growing older is learning the ability to cope. One can bitch for only so long before recognizing that it doesn’t help the situation and, really, it’s time to find perspective. The life that I have is the one that I chose, and I couldn’t be happier with the family we’ve built and the journey that we’re carving out.  

All this said, I still long for friendships. To know a variety of people. To do fun things. To have people who can come over, understand the messiness of three cats and three people living in less than 1,000 square feet and not care. To have a Millie to my Laura (or vice versa, depending on whether I’m the “wacky friend” or not). To laugh with abandon and say things without fear of it being used against me in the future or to share feelings sans judgment. To be able to check in with funny texts from time to time to ensure that the other’s still alive, or to share a funny “doesn’t matter in the grand scheme” moment. 

I’m not asking for a vast amount of friends, or for friends who can all get together and get along, or for those take-all-afternoon phone calls of junior high. I’m not necessary looking for a fellow mother, but I am looking for someone who understands that my first priority, above all else, is that role (followed closely by the happiness of my husband; I subscribe to “Happy husband, happy life.” Luckily, he’s an easy one to please). And I’m not greedy. Just one, two, three…a dozen BFFs. Too much to ask? 

Really, I just want someone to wear my friendship bracelet. Their choice of color.

Is that too much to ask?

* I’d like to thank Dave for helping me find the words to write this post. As with all things in life, I couldn’t do it without you.

He’s All Boy

I have a love-hate relationship with that phrase — “he’s all boy!” From the start, I knew that Hadley was a super strong (like, freakishly strong) little guy. He’s loud when he’s passionate about something and when his energy gets flowing, he’s a bull in a china shop. I can’t believe how many times I’ve heard people say that phrase when observing him. Heck, I’m sure I’ve said it a couple of times, myself.

Maybe I’m just an over-analyzer, but I’m kind of sensitive to gender-specific statements. This one’s clearly not meant in a negative way (even if it is sometimes accompanying some less-than-stellar behavior), but some gender statements can be. Any use of the terms “girlie, sissy, toughen up and be a man/take it like a man, grow a pair, throw like a girl” makes my skin crawl.

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We all want the best for our kids, right? We’re going to encourage him to pursue his interests, whether they be sports or music or art or science or animals or reading or…anything safe, really. And in any combination and amount that he’s comfortable with. I was afforded that opportunity, and it’s one of the things I’m looking forward to the most about parenting; watching what interests develop and being there for his successes and failures along the way.  

I’m not looking forward to the days when he’s influenced by all the outside factors that promote “manliness.” I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m hoping he doesn’t pick a super high-testosterone, trash-talking sport. If he does, I’ll maintain a poker face and have plenty of open dialogue about acceptable behavior. Oh, and sit him down with his cousin, Matthew. He’s the epitome of what a scholar athlete should look and sound like.

Watching most of the teen boys at school go through a testosterone-driven social dance is a lot like watching a PBS nature special. The unspoken fight for alpha male is palpable. They become overtly physical and aggressive. They spew vulgar and derogatory language at each other under the guise of friendship. They single out the seemingly weaker beings in a show of solidarity between the louder, bigger, most aggressive. It’s not fun, and clearly I speak up, even when it’s what they deem “boys will be boys” behavior.

And this, dear reader, is what I’m concerned about most with raising a boy. He’s sweet. He’s tender. He’s sensitive. But, sure, he’s also got super-human strength and is quite big for his age. What will he do with all of these wonderful traits? What amalgamation will he put forth to the world? What effects will outside factors have on his development?

My biggest hope for him is happiness. Happiness to be whomever he may be. If that be a confident, verbal, strong-willed individual, awesome. If that be a sensitive, introverted intellect (I’ll admit it, he’s smart), equally awesome. But if he ever is made to feel shameful for whatever personality or quirks he may have, I hope we’ll have given him the tools to stand up for himself positively, or at the very least know in his heart and soul that he’s above the nonsense, and that his and our opinions of him are the only ones that matter.

*deep sigh*

Does anyone else have parenting fears like this one? Is it completely irrational, or does it ring true a little bit?

Toddler Threads

Dressing a child is an interesting beast. On one hand, all moms who’ve been through the fray know that the clothes don’t last long and aren’t always cheap. Seriously, between the “me do it!” messes the first day they wear that new adorable outfit (which leave you thinking, “Well, great. That won’t be a hand-me-down now.”) and the fact that they grow faster than weeds, we breeze through clothes. Not that I don’t make our little guy wear a favorite novelty shirt until his tummy peeks out underneath. #notsorry Admittedly, he hates retiring his favorite outfits, too. 

On the other hand, isn’t it SO. MUCH. FUN? Kiddie clothes are so darn cute; almost as cute as the kids themselves. And, these days, it’s not just for mommies with little ladies. We mamas with tiny fellas can get in on the action, too.

But, since I’m not into super graphic superhero shirts (done properly, I love a Batman logo or vintage-style Superman shirt) and skulls and sports themes aren’t my bag, Hadman’s style sways in the classic/old school/vintage/hipster territory.

I love seeing the kiddie fashion shows on some of my favorite blogs, but since our guy is in constant motion and isn’t a huge camera fan at the moment, I figured we’d just check out some outfits he’ll be wearing this fall, along with a couple of tips I have for clothing a toddler without breaking the bank.

First things first. What’s autumn without a sweater vest? According to my husband, it’s boring. So, of course, I stock up on miniature sweater vests at the end of the season (I buy a couple of sizes larger, then put them in plastic bins under the crib for later). Mini Dorky Daddy time!

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Oh, and a little secret? The shirt underneath is actually one of our favorite long-sleeve novelty tees. Mix and match, people. No one will know that there’s a graphic tee underneath that adorable vest…well, until he spills gravy-laden turkey down his front at Thanksgiving. Then everyone will find out. And no one will care one bit.

Mmm. Turkey. Gravy. Pie. Black Friday.

Ya lost me. Oh, right. Adorable shirt hiding under preppy vest. 

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Now for some casual cool. This is dressy enough for Christmas (button it up) or church, if you’re full of grace (I’m clearly not), but also can work for a fun play date. For the record, this is totally his dad’s style, too, sans cargoes. Ahem.

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Wanna hit up a chilly late-season farmers’ market? Stock up on those squash, root veggies, and pumpkins, but be sure to bundle up! We always try to keep it comfy (everyone in jeans) and practical. A fleece will do, but we acquired this handmade hooded sweater that just screams leaf peepin’ and apple pickin’. Cozy!

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I’m a jeans girl, so obviously I try to get one nice pair for the Hadman to run into the ground. They’re so versatile I have to have one good better pair.

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Oh, and this is the second time we’ve used this fancy, schmancy shirt. He wore it about a year ago, so when my MIL found it on clearance in a bigger size, we were ecstatic. What better way to quickly and comfortably dress the kid up?! Seriously, I’m thinking ahead, but can’t you envision it on New Years’ Eve??

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These are my simple tips for decking out your little one’s wardrobe.

– Don’t just buy something at the end of the season for the following year because it’s cheap. That’s a huge pet peeve in our household. Sure, it cost $3, but if it’s ugly or the wrong size for the season or we already have a stack of sweatpants for that season, it’s just not worth it. If you LOVE the thing, though, by all means.

– These are toddlers we’re talking about. I’m a pretty practical person in the first place (ahem, some might argue that), so I always think about comfort in my clothes…why wouldn’t I apply that to my little buddy? So, you’d better know that I stock up on pile of sweatpants, tees, and sweatshirts for day-to-day. And it’s not like he doesn’t look cute in those, either.

– Sure, it’s great to play twinsies (especially with Daddy), but for the most part, we think of Had’s interests when we buy him stuff. He’s hilarious, hence the novelty shirts. He loves animals and Sesame Street and is even starting to get more and more into superheroes, so we keep an eye out for shirts with animals (sharks, chomp chomp), the vintage-looking SS ones (Super Grover! And I don’t mean 2.0), and I’m on the hunt for harmless, less dark/super graphic super hero ones. I love seeing the joy in his face over certain clothes, knowing that he’s expressing himself when he picks even a simple striped shirt. Ah, the simple joy of new-found independence.

– Along with comfort, clothes have to be FUN! We currently have a shirt with a hotdog and hamburger running a race, a hotdog with a “help” sign inside the mouth of a happy shark, and we LOVE the mac ‘n cheese BFF shirt. You can’t get away with wearing hilarious stuff and fun patterns for very long before you have to start acting all adulty and crap, so do it while you can!

– As I said earlier, reign in the buying. It’s not like the outfit will last them 5 years; you’ll be lucky to get 4 months out of it. Keep in mind the pieces that you’d like to have: how many t-shirts, jeans, sweats, PJs, etc. This will keep you from going overboard when you see a stack of jeans on sale. Oh, and a great tip I have is to hit up the consignment/thrift stores for some cheap play clothes. You won’t care if they get dirty or torn, and knowing that they get some extra life definitely gets the ol’ pride flowing.

Anyone else clothing a tot? Any great tips? What’s your favorite thing to dress your real-life doll in? 😉 

Hadleyisms #2

Happy birthday to my big sis, Mary, today!!!

Anyhoo, back with some more silly moments with our 2-year-old guy. Why, hello, crappy Photoshop skills.


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After watching an episode of Daniel Tiger about empathy…
Me: How do you feel today, Hadley? What are you feeling?
H: Apples. Nanas. Knees. *stares at me*

(Apples and bananas are the answer to all life’s little problems these days. Not the actual foods; just the words.)

M: What do you want to be for Halloween, honey? (asking with far too much excitement)
H: Apples! Ooohh!! Apples. Or Nanas. Uh-huh.

Here comes Fruit of the Loom boy.

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Daddy: (Getting him up from naps/bed 90% of the time) Good morning, Hadley!
H: Gooooood moooorrning!!!! Mama! Hi!! HIIII!!! (as if he hasn’t seen us in years)
D: How did you sleep?
H: Niiiiice! Nice!!

How was your lunch? How does Beardslee’s fur feel? How are you feeling? “NICE!” Adorbs.


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Our favorite Hadleyism lately is “tada!” Finish going on the potty and displaying his “talents”? TADA! Eat a piece of pancake? Tada! Build a Lego tower? Tada!

Daddy gets home and the excitement literally can’t be contained. Running aimlessly around the living room, H exclaims, “Dada! Big Bird!! Toes-yitties-eyephant-potty-yancakes…” runs into kitchen followed by the sound of a face-plant on the floor. Deflated but happy “Tada!” comes from the floor. We lost it.

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Aside from these, he’s just got SO MANY WORDS. I can’t even keep track. Say something and he tries out the word. There are times I look at him and think, “You’re learning English. You’re understanding. You’re not like a tiny baby from another country who understands two words I say!” I know it’s normal, and what we expect, but man. And the kid knows every letter you show him. (Z is sometimes S, but we’re working on it.) You can sing the alphabet and stop on a letter and most of the time he knows the next letter. He can count to thirteen.

Strides, folks. Strides. 

Sorry I’m Sorry

The Dorky Daddy recently posted a heartfelt admission of an issue that he deals with, which is so admirable and awesome since a lot of guys don’t admit to it. I felt it was important to reiterate that it’s actually an issue for the whole family. Namely, I do it, too.


We’re uncontrollable apologizers. And we’re officially sorry about it.

You’ll see on his post the moment that the truth hit us, but let’s just say that our unnecessary apologizing has been passed on to our 2-year-old son. Yup. Show any sign of distress, and he immediately starts faux crying while saying “I sowwy, Mama. Sowwy, Mama.”

Lose something. “Sowwy, Mama!”

Spill something. “I sowwy, Mama! So sowwy!!”

Punish over something. “Sowwy!!” (Okay, that last one is awesome, but he doesn’t know to say “sorry” for doing something wrong; just because we’re upset.)

Some might say it’s not a big deal, or that it’s not a bad problem to have an apologetic kid.

To that I say, well, keep it to yourself. (Yeah. I went there.) You get to feel what’s best or worse for your kids. We get to use our (in this case shared) intuition to decide that this is a problem for us. He’s no off-the-wall, drug-abusing kid, of course, so it is all relative…but it still concerns us. And the fact that our apologetic ways allow people to discredit our feelings is something I’d rather Hadley not have to deal with, too.

Sorry for the blunt moment, but it was needed.

Wait. No. I’m not sorry. God, this is so damn difficult.

Taking the energy down for a moment *turns dial* let’s address the reasons that apologizing can be a negative thing. List time:

* Sometimes…just once in awhile…it’s a manifestation of passive aggressiveness. We all have frustrations on a daily basis. At work. At the grocery store. (I can’t COUNT how many times in one trip I’ll apologize to people at Hannaford for something I didn’t do.) Out clothes shopping. Heck, at home with your partner. If someone ticks you off, be it in a big or small way, sometimes “sorry” pops out when you’re actually upset about something…and aren’t REALLY sorry.

And, I’ll admit. When someone walks in my way or steals the spot in line or takes advantage of me at work…I will passive aggressively say, “Oh, I’m so sorry!” *raises hand* I do it. It’s been done.

* Insincere or overused apologies lose their meaning. The more you say “sorry”, the less you really mean it. The more I hear Dave say it, it simply blends into the conversation. Sure, it’s a word of kindness (usually), but we need to learn how to use our TONE of LANGUAGE to display our kindness rather than jumping around the kitchen apologizing for tripping over each other. 

* Apologizing without thought gives the other person the upper hand. Totally. I tend to apologize as a kindness tactic — regularly saying “Oops! So sorry you caught me eating my lunch. Sorry! What’s up?” Seriously. They interrupted MY lunchtime (which I was trying to get work done during) and I’m hoping, at the very least, to receive an acknowledgement that I’m being put out a bit before dropping my sandwich and helping them out.

Instead, I’ve often found that the person disregards it completely and continues on, like a bulldozer, with whatever their own needs are. My confidence issues ain’t gettin’ any better with crap like that goin’ down. It is what it is, and it’s not great.

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So, yeah. There’s more, but that’s the general idea of the thing. Our goal is to raise a happy, healthy, kind, intelligent, confident young man. Part of confidence is being comfortable with yourself and knowing how to act in situations. Regardless of how we appear, Dave and I both have confidence and self-esteem issues. The last thing we want is to pass these on to our beautiful little man. Last thing.

Dave is doing great at trying to identify when “sorry!” is an acceptable response and when it’s probably not the best go-to. He’s not phasing it out completely; that’s not the point. It’s knowing when to say it and when it’s not necessary. That’s all.

I, actually, already started working on my sorryisms at work last year. It. Was. Hard. There was definitely a bit of acting needed to help me learn how to not get plowed over (I also used the sorries as a way to be kind, which often got me screwed over). And, y’know what? It kinda worked. There are still people who are just always going to be hard nuts to crack (which is fine), and I learned which people respect some confidence and some boundaries.

I didn’t start implementing it in other parts of my life. I didn’t think it seemed necessary. But, now it seems it is.

Here are a few of the ways that we’ve been addressing the issue:

* I’ve been talking to Hadley in a low-key, “it’s not a big deal” sort of way when he says it. We talk briefly about why he said it, and usually why it’s not needed. If it IS needed, I’ll say something like, “It was good of you to say you were sorry. When you *did such-and-such naughty act*, you were making bad choices and hurting our feelings, so it was a good thing to say ‘sorry’ about.” Or whatevs. I’ve seen a quick decrease in his use of the word. Sometimes a quick one or two sentence chat gets into his smart little brain better than a super big lecture or hitting him over the head with it.

* We’re not doing anything like a “Sorry Jar” or anything so drastic. Sometimes an apology is totally warranted, especially in marriage or in the day-to-day. But, we’ll gently remind each other, “Honey, you said ‘sorry’ and it’s totally cool, you didn’t do anything wrong.” While Dave likens it to quitting smoking (it’s definitely a habit), it’s not the sort of thing you need to kick yourself over when you accidentally let one slip. Sorry happens. It’s a process.

* If I’m truly sorry for something, I state why. I like to use “I’m sorry because…” any time I’m actually admitting a mistake or a poor wording or any number of reasons. Self realization is where it’s at. It also makes the apology carry so much more weight. It gives “sorry” back its importance.

* We’re having issues, but working on finding replacements for “sorry.” It’s difficult because there’s a sweetness attached to it that nothing can match. Again, it all depends on the situation. Sometimes it’s best just to cut it out. Other times, say someone’s having a bad day, just responding “Dude, that sucks” doesn’t show enough empathy. So, we’re feeling it out. Saying “I’m sorry your day is so terrible” might just have to be a replacement for the time being.

And just because I prefer to end on a positive note, and I hate that I was super harsh at the beginning of the post (I’m not sorry, but I don’t want it to be taken the wrong way), here are some of the awesome things about “sorry”:

* Sorry can melt your heart when it’s said at the right time…especially by someone who’s admitting a wrong or who happens to be an adorable 2-year-old who seems to be connecting to you while saying it.

* Sorry can hold so much power, when used sparingly. When you truly make a mistake and can own up to it (the hardest part), saying “I’m truly sorry” and owning the problem, then finding a way to fix it, it can earn you respect. Or not. But maybe!

Care to add anymore positive things about “I’m sorry”?

Traveling with a Toddler

Since we’ve had some time to return to normalcy after our vacation and documented all the fun, I thought it’d be a good time to share a list of tips we picked up from traveling with our little 2-year-old Hadman. I already shared a fun list of items that help when traveling with tots, and all that stuff helped BIG-TIME with the trip.

Oh, and this was a road trip (no planes involved) and wasn’t super long (4 1/2+ hours, tops). I’m sure people who have traveled 8-12 hours in a car (or, God bless you, on a plane!) with a little one can come up with even better ideas. If you’ve got ’em, share ’em in the comments!

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Tip #1: Let go of expectations. I went into this trip over-planning (on purpose; it’s how I roll), but knowing all the while that I should keep my expectations low. Would we make it to even a fraction of the places I hoped to visit? Nope. Will he enjoy the planned activities as much as I hoped he would? Probably not (or enjoy them for 5 minutes or less before indicating that he was done). Should I expect perfection from a 2-year-old? Never.

So, going into vacation with this more laid-back attitude was SO helpful. The places we ended up hitting were awesome and we made tons of family memories, with minimal meltdowns. The places that we missed, well, maybe we’ll go again when he’s a bigger boy and I’ll have a cache of ideas stored up to try.

Tip #2: Know thy child. Of course, you already know your kid. Who does better than you, really? It’s true, you rock. So, use that intuition and everything you already know about your munchkin to help you plan accordingly.

What’s your little one’s favorite thing to do? Art projects? Free play? Reading books? Running around like he needs a tiny, adorable straight jacket? Select activities that align with those interests. Our visit to the Eric Carle Museum was perfect because there was a story time (a short movie based on a book, while we were there) that he LOVED, a library with toys (books + a few great toys + a space to make a little noise = perfect for our monkey), a “very hungry caterpillar” sculpture that he could climb all over, and even an art project area that was structured in a very casual way, which helped with his short attention span but propensity for messiness.

This tip also applies to your tot’s schedule. We all know that it’s important to maintain some semblance of a schedule, with some allowance for flexibility built in, right? We tried to ensure that there was a nap time (he even took a morning nap on the long way to our destination, which was awesome and super rare) built in and that we didn’t over-schedule the day. Pick a handful of activities, but do them only if your little one’s in an adventurous mood; perhaps one active one and one chill one per day, depending on length.

And, if your kiddo does fine with eating in a restaurant, build plenty of opportunities to try some new places. Which leads me to my third tip…

Tip #3: Stay in. Never thought I’d hear myself say that. This totally doesn’t mean “give in to your naughty child” or “don’t have any fun on your trip.” Not at all.

What it DOES mean is that just because you’re on vacation, it doesn’t mean you have to be “on the go” or that you HAVE to eat every meal in a super structured restaurant environment the entire time. Unexpectedly, after a very busy first day of driving, lunching, sight-seeing, and shopping, by the time we arrived at our hotel to regroup, we realized we were exhausted. Oh, and Hadley was in full-speed-ahead mode. A lack of playtime will do that to a kid. That’s a recipe for disaster, as far as dinner was concerned. Actually, as far as a lot’s concerned.

Hence, the above picture. We ordered dinner from a nearby Italian restaurant, didn’t have to “dress for dinner”, and Hadley was able to run around the hotel room and make as much noise as he wanted while all the other guests were out to dinner. It. Was. Perfect. We kept saying what a good idea it was to stay in. Then, we got to fit in a regular bath and bedtime (although he ended up sleeping with us; c’est la vie), so it really worked out great.

The next night, we encouraged our friends to order out (vs. eating out) since they also would have an infant in tow, so we didn’t really go out to dinner at all (aside from a couple of casual lunches). And, guess what. No big. We drank a little bit with dinner and after the kids were down, we enjoyed some “adult sundaes” (ice cream + brownies + Kahlua), accompanied by wonderfully leisurely conversation. That wouldn’t have been very doable if we’d gone out, would it? Not with two kids along for the ride.

See? Stay in. It’s not a dirty word. Unless you’re a foodie. In which case, disregard.

Tip #4: Build in stops for everyone. This wasn’t a kid-centric trip, and no family trip needs to be. Sure, we built in specific stops to maintain serenity with the kiddo, but it was a pretty even vacation full of “stops for Mom, stops for Dad, stops for Child.” And when we could tick off two or three of those individuals with one activity? Jackpot!

There was a stop at one of Dave’s favorite comic stores and several friend visits for the hubby (although I like to consider his friends my friends; I’m not worthy, really) and some historical stuff and a stop at the outlets (purely professional; I needed school clothes) on the way home for wifey. Bookstores for all three. All happy.

Tip #5: Pack healthfully. Dude. Travel can be super unhealthy. And, that’s okay…to an extent. (See above “adult sundaes” reference, ahem.) But, it’s nice to have options while in the car, and never knowing where your next meal will be is a recipe for disaster. Ha. Recipe. Get it??

So, we stocked the heck up. I had one large reusable grocery bag full of our favorites: organic granola bars (for adults and tot), organic snack crackers, organic milk and juice boxes, organic fruit leather, a bunch of bananas, and a huge bag of those mini-oranges (thank you, orange hack video, for making the process a little less messy in the car — wish I could find the link again!). Oh, and I had a separate cooler bag with a ton of water and another insulated lunch bag with Hadley’s yogurt packets and stuff.

I also allowed myself some room in his lunch bag to throw in a granola bar or fruit leather so that, when we did eat at a restaurant, we could just bring the bag along to keep him satiated while waiting. Simple as that.

Tip #6: The simple things. Speaking of simple…an egg. A freaking cheap-o, neon bright plastic Easter egg. I kid you not, this thing was a game changer.

I packed a humongous bag of favorite toys for all possible situations (if you’re not getting a good mental picture already, yes, the car was loaded to the gills), and they definitely did the trick at keeping him relatively entertained there and back.

But what were the best, most entertaining things in the backseat? A cheap, plastic toy truck our neighbor gave him just before we left and a plastic Easter egg. Mind you, at our first rest stop, he saw a game where you put coins in and the egg (containing a far-too-old-for-him toy; ie choking hazard) pops out, so after we did our potty business, I let him put the coins in. The egg seriously mesmerized him (enough so that I could pop out the little monster inside and dispose of it properly without him giving two craps about it).

Sometimes it’s the little things for these little ones. Like running around the hotel room. Or popping up in your hotel crib every ten seconds to announce how HAPPY you are to be sleeping in a room with “MAMADADA!!!” Or meeting new friends only to discover you love redheads just as much as you love blondes. Or being able to finally say your distant-BFF’s name and to bear hug the heck out of him and to even display a mild understanding of sharing. Or making friends with the docents at a museum. Or being rewarded with an electronic Pink Panther ride at the outlets. 

And aren’t those simple, little things the memories we sometimes inadvertently forget…the memories that really make the trip what it is? And what it is, is awesome.

Massachusetts Vacation 2014 – S. Hadley & “The Outlets”

Last I left off, we had finished our Concord adventures, met up with friends at Montague, and had just finished Hadman’s naptime in the car as we drove to our good friends in South Hadley. Today, I’ll finish up our trip recap.

I can hear the cheers from here. 😉

When we arrived, I got the super fun job of watching the bambinos so that Dave could bring our friend Josh to pick up his car, which was getting fixed.

Our friends, Josh and Missy, have an adorable, SUPER well-behaved little guy. It was awesome to see how much bigger and more active he was (scooting along and walking with help), knowing that the next time we see him, he’ll probably be walking quite well on his own and able to hold his own with the well-meaning but comes-on-too-strong tornado that is Hadley. I was ecstatic how well they played with each other, and the fact that Hadman was, for the most part, able to share and didn’t have any issues sharing the love.


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When all the adults (including mommies) were reunited, we sent the guys to get some dinner, got the kiddos bathed and down for bed (thank you, pack ‘n play!), and hunkered down for some “adult brownie sundaes” (brownies+ice cream+a splash of Kahlua, BTW.) It was so lovely to catch up with fellow parents and talk about old times (like, pre-Dave-and-I-dating times; I’m always fascinated to hear about the old adventures). Fun, relaxing, and awesome.

Hadley was up by 6:30, so I quickly got ready and packed things up. Since Josh had to work, the rest of us ran to an incredible local place for breakfast (this is when the schedule got crunched and I wasn’t able to meet up with my old friend, boo; gotta admit to the restrictions of a toddler and an inability to do EVERYTHING on one’s list). The food was local and delish, so it was nice to get a good meal in. It’s hard to know whether your next meal will be stellar when you’re traveling, y’know.

Since the weather was a bit overcast, we decided to hit up the Carle with Missy and the little guys. It’s so close and she’d never been, so it was fun to introduce her to the joint!

I wrote about our visit last year, but it seems like Had can enjoy more and try out different aspects of things every time we visit. Like the fact that he’s ALMOST at the age to sit still and try the craft projects…almost. He helped me glue and stuck a couple of pieces of tissue paper onto card stock, but I finished the rest. Whatevs. Here’s what some of that area looked like (there were classes for adults happening and a bunch of other kids, so I didn’t want to invade privacy):

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Dude. I want to recycle crayons into little molds like these! I don’t care if they’re star-shaped or what. Melting more than one color creates the “Eric Carle Effect” which is absolutely awesome. Who knew I’d be so excited?

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Note for future kiddie area: Use a tension rod, rings, and these cheap plastic binder sheets to hold artwork. Cheap and ingenious. Also beautiful when the sun shone through the windows.
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Oh, yes, and there were toys!

So, after hands-on stuff, we hit up the 8-minute video of “Naked Mole Rat Gets Dressed” (the book of which we have at home) and I was flabbergasted that he sat still for it. I mean, it was short, but considering his lack of willingness for the short Concord video, it was awesome. Oh, and the book is about being true to oneself (“Does it hurt anyone to be different? No.”), which is equally awesome.

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Enthralled.

Equally enthralling? The library (no, really…books AND toys? This kid’s idea of heaven) and the large “very hungry caterpillar” sculpture…cutout…thingamajigger.

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(Taking a picture of Dave taking a picture of Hadman? Why not?)

After picking a few cool things from the gift shop, Missy talked us into hitting up a local farm shop (which was actually the size of a grocery store!). It also worked perfectly to grab some things we didn’t have at home AND a salad from the salad bar for the road.

On our way home, we stopped at the outlet center in Lee. I’ve been desperately seeking clothes for back-to-school and everyday (particularly tops), so Dave played the hero-of-the-day staying in the car with a sleeping Hadley (then keeping him occupied when he awoke) while I darted from one store to the next. I did end up with some fun, colorful, modern stuff from, of all places, Banana Republic and Ann Taylor, then we did a quick diaper change and headed home…but not before an impromptu celebratory ride or two…


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We both agreed that, while we had a really fun time, it was good to be returning to our little boys at home and to have Sunday to unwind a bit before returning to normalcy.

Now, I still need to plan a family day to go hit up a local beach to fit in some of the “relaxation” part of summer! We also hope to take a day trip to Old Forge at the foothills of the Adirondacks; they have an awesome farmers’ market on Fridays, and we can visit all the places we hit up when we were kids — hello, putt-putt golf and Pied Piper ice cream!

So…whew! Happy to have these wonderful memories, but it was such a whirlwind! (One reason I blog about silly details like this; horrible memory.)

What’ve you been up to this summer? 🙂 Any shopping? Museum-attending? History-buffing? Antiquing? Do tell!

Massachusetts Vacation 2014 – Concord, Pt. 2 & Montague

On Monday, I described our trip to Massachusetts and our first day in Concord. Today’s post will cover “day two” at Concord (which I will forever say in my head as “Concerd” since apparently that’s how locals, and quite possibly the historical folks who lived there, say it…there’s a whole thing with how to say “Syracuse” properly, too) and our trip back to Western Mass. Y’know, for the test you’ll have on this whole thing next week.

No. There’s no test. Unless you really want one, but that’s just sick.

So, we got up after a great night’s sleep — as great as it could be with a pushy toddler wedged between two adults — and packed up every last bit of paraphernalia we’d brought into the hotel room. After loading up the car, we headed to the “Harvest Room” for our continental breakfast. We’re nothing if not cheap. Plus, I was shocked that they had organic oatmeal (which Dave ate, good boy). Hadley provided both entertainment and, to some, irritation with his feistiness and lack of willingness to eat, but we all made it through unscathed.

We drove back through town to the Concord Museum, showing up just as it opened. It was surreal and absolutely bemusing to see a man dressed in impeccably detailed Revolutionary War garb getting out of his Hyundai parked next to us. Dave almost grabbed a picture, but I’m a buzzkill. Dude, he was, like, two feet away.

We were SO lucky to show up on one of their Free Fridays (it would’ve cost us $20 otherwise), especially considering that we breezed through the whole thing in just over an hour.

We only went through the main building, but it was perfect for us. We tried to sit through the short-ish video about Concord (lots to cover, and we walked in late, so of course I missed anything regarding the transcendentalist movement or being the hub of the revolution…hmph), but Hadley immediately disliked the idea, so poor Dave dragged him out of the auditorium. I sat watching but worrying that he was tearing down precious artifacts or being his moody self (he has many sides; moodiness is just one of them). But, nope! Apparently, they had coloring stations set up for little ones, so the boys had colored a picture of a rather frazzled looking “colonial woman” and a powder horn. Whew.

We then turned our attention to the rest of the museum. I LOVE the fact that museums try to identify with the needs of all their attendees, be they families with various ages in tow, history buffs, people with little to no interest in history, etc. There was a time that the fanciest, most interactive part of a museum was a diorama, but today there are buttons to push (which play high-quality recordings), little doors with information behind them, uniforms to try on, and tons more.

Hadman was very much in an “okay, that’s great, what’s next?” mood, so I only skimmed through what I was interested in seeing. Besides, sometimes the artifacts themselves are enough. We looked at the rooms dressed in original furnishings and asked him simple questions — “What do you see in this room that we have?” “What color are the plates?” and explained things where I could — “Instead of a pen like we have, people used to dip a feather, or quill, in ink to write. Isn’t that neat?” He takes things in constantly, so anything that seeped into his mind makes me glad enough.

The museum workers were incredible with him, too. They were highly accommodating for a child of his age (I was worried we’d get the raised eyebrow, which only happened in, of all places, the museum shop) and talked with him lots.

The most impressive parts, to me, were that the original “Boston Massacre” print by Paul Revere (actually a copy of another man’s work, ahem) was on display. We happen to have a much larger scale of the print in our dining room, so that was AWESOME. I was also in awe over one of the two original candle lanterns — the “one if by land, two if by sea” ones. My mind was blown.

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I’m also a bit of a Thoreau fan, so seeing some of the original furnishings he used at Walden (you can see here where I enjoyed visiting the replica of the building over by Walden Pond), as well as his snowshoes and the last pen he wrote with before he died (again, quill…in the mid 1800’s? I couldn’t believe he’d be writing with something so simple at that stage in history; goes to show you I’m not a know-it-all after all).

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And, dude. Emerson’s pad. Not a replica. His actual study/sitting room. Right down to the original wallpaper. 

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I just loved the crap out of that museum.

We perused the gift shop and I ended up with a couple of Thoreau works (my “Civil Disobedience” had gone missing) and an awesome editing of his works that proves what an activist he’d probably be today in the world of environmentalism (which also discusses his beliefs on technology and more). I can’t wait to delve in when I finish my current read.

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As is our custom, we also grabbed a cool Concord magnet.

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I was bummed there was nothing Hadley-aged there, but he didn’t seem to care either way.

So, we bid adieu to our lovely Concord and hit the road westward to Montague to meet up with a friend of ours and his lovely lady friend. We had some major difficulties finding our way, but when we did finally reach our destination, it was wonderful. We met up at the Montague Bookmill (yup, more books) and grabbed a bite at their Lady Killigrew Cafe. The food was great, and we ate outside as a gentle rain started to cool things down. What a great time catching up and sharing a new experience.

We walked through the bookstore (I believe it was all used, so the prices were great) and I couldn’t help but think of the huge difference between the independent book stores we had visited. Both were great, but it showed the grandiose next to a more “mom-and-pop” almost counter-culture vibe. We grabbed a book with a built-in clock that monkey had gravitated to (numbers, people, the kid loves numbers), said our good-byes, and plopped him into his car seat. Moments later, he was napping.

After Montague, we headed to South Hadley to meet up with some awesome practically-family friends who let us sleep over and hang out. So, that’s where I’ll leave off for now. One more post, then we’re back home with the kitties! 😉 

Massachusetts Vacation 2014 – Concord, Pt. 1

Surprise! We snuck away for our family vacation last week! I didn’t post about it in advance because we’re those super-private, protective people who don’t like to announce when our home is free for the pickin’. Call us crazy (it’s okay, we’re used to it), but we’re mostly concerned about the kitties. 


Anyhoo, I figured I’d write a few posts on the trip itself (was going to do a quick rundown today, but I’m chatty), then share a post or two about how we kept a toddler happy along the way, how we alleviated some of the “rush here, rush there”ness of a road trip, a few of the sights we enjoyed most, and anything else that pops into my head along the way. Sound good?

Let’s just say from the start, this trip wasn’t a relaxing retreat. It was meant to be a fun family adventure, which usually recharges the adults’ minds, gives the little guy some new, fun experiences, and, though enjoyable, makes us all feel happy and lucky to return home safe and exhausted at the end of it. Check, check, and check! 

We left on Thursday to drive the 4+ hours to Concord, Mass. I picked Concord because I love its history and because the monkey is still way too unpredictable and non-listeny (totally a word… “disobedient” sounds so evil, and it’s not really accuratre) for a big joint like Boston or Philly. We also hoped to fit in some friend-visiting in western Mass, which we did; I, however, still feel guilty over the people that we missed. I’ve gotta get over it, and I know that a toddler is a natural time usurper, but I still feel badly.

So, anyhoo, we left just shy of 8am (later than I’d hoped) on Thursday morning, packed to the gills with clothes, toys, food, a pack ‘n play…pretty much everything in our house sans the cats. I’ve gotta say we lucked out with our monkey on the trip; for the most part, he was an absolute trooper while traveling. Sure, he got cranky once in awhile, but I was generally pleasantly surprised and proud of what a great boy he was for the drive.

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The trip out was long, but not bad. Hadman hadn’t slept well the night before and ended up in bed with us (see above picture; hugely rare these days), so we were all pretty tired; he fell asleep and did a morning nap vs. his usual afternoon nap. It was PERFECT for the drive to-and-from Mass. We took a couple of stops along the way, and we snacked on healthy stuff I’d packed for the road.

When we reached Concord, it was too early to check in, so we took a quick potty break at the visitors’ center (loudest. hand dryers. ever.) then parked on a Walden Street. We scoped out the storefronts for a game plan and decided to grab a meal at the Main Streets Market and Cafe. Again, after a week of terrible two behavior, I was shocked at how well-behaved Hadley was for lunch (for the most part). Oh, and the joint had awesome food. Top-notch, really.

We then hit up the Toy Shop of Concord, which was beyond awesome. It’s an independently-run joint and was super kid-friendly (one would hope), so it gave Hadley a chance to get out of his stroller and engage with other kids and (mostly) toys, toys, and more toys. The funny thing was, I love buying things we’ll use every day while on vacation to remind us of the fun trip we had, so I was fully planning on buying him whatever the heck he wanted…and he picked nothing. He enjoyed certain toys, but then moved on to the next thing, so it was impossible to get him to select something on his own. Eh. We ended up with a Green Toys submarine for some fun in the hotel bathtub that night.

After Dave threw more money in the meter, we hit up my favorite antique shop ever, Thoreauly Antiques. I mean, perfect, right?! The place isn’t very big, but what it lacks in size it makes up for in substance. Their selection is perfectly in-tune to a modern antique-collector. Here are just a few of the things I was eying:

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I seriously almost got one of the lavender sachets (either 3 or 6 for the “3 humans, 3 adults” or “6 altogether”). And the NY Central drove through my hometown, so, yeah.

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Sorry for the fuzzy picture; I had a man with a stroller hot on my heels. 😉 But the vignettes around every corner were just incredible. (That’s a plate of old keys, BTW.)

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Pages of French from the 1800’s. So much could be done with those. Oohh, la la. 

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Old hotel numbers on brass key chains. I started to look for our home number, but *someone* was getting fidgety. Not saying whom…who?…but it wasn’t Dave and it wasn’t me.

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More keys!

Knowing full well how almost-to-capacity our car was already, I didn’t grab a darn thing. We did head a few doors down and purchase a bit of candy (as a “thanks so much” gift for our neighbor and my mom, who watched the house and checked on the cats while we were gone…and as a gift to ourselves for eating such healthy snacks in the car) at Priscilla Candy Shop. In all honesty, the customer service left something to be desired, but the candy was worth it.

Then, we took one final stop at the GORGEOUS Concord Bookshop. My word. I’ve never seen a library or book store in my LIFE that was more impeccable than this one. I assume the shelves were mahogany, and everything built custom for the space. The book selection was insane (the first thing that hits you as you enter is the biography section…they must’ve seen me coming a mile away), and it was quieter than any library you could ever imagine (although it had a good stream of people swimming throughout). We purchased a few books then hit the road.

By the time we checked in and unloaded anything we’d need into our room at the hotel, it was after 5pm. Hadley was still bouncing with energy and I had no idea what to do for dinner. We found a couple of menus for a nearby Italian restaurant, so decided to order in for the night. (Very important tip I’ll dive into further in a future post: Know thyself. If your little one is probably not willing to sit still, going out to dinner — even if you had your hopes set on it — is not a “must” while on vacation.)

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Besides, we could sit back in our comfy clothes, allow him to run around, and watch precious C-A-B-L-E (HGTV FTW!). Plus, when I picked the food up I saw how dressy most of the people eating and working at the restaurant were, so it wouldn’t have suited us much, anyway. One large pizza, a pile of pasta, and two flan-ish desserts later, we were satiated (half the pizza went to waste; Hadley’s appetite was unusually chill). Two bathtimes later (Had’s and mine), Hadley was in the hotel-appointed crib…playing a highly amusing game (to him) called “Hi, Mama! Hi, Dada!” Ahem. Into the bed he came. Within moments, he and Dave were completely zonked. I finished my episode of House Hunters, read some more of my latest favorite book (Marmee & Louisa, highly appropriate to the trip), and went to sleep.

Have I mentioned how much I love the squishiness of sleeping in a hotel bed? Because I do. And, apparently, so does Hadley.

That’s it for today! I’ll stop by this week with the last activity at Concord, then meeting up with our friends back to the west. Yay!

Mama Must-Haves

Today’s post contains affiliate links. They won’t make your computer explode or steal your identity…I hope.

So many friends and acquaintances on Facebook (and, y’know, in the real world) are having babies left and right. We’re in talks ourselves, but are still putting off a second bambino for the time being. We’re also pretty private about things; that “don’t tell anyone until the second trimester” thing is law for us, outside of one or two close family members or a BFF.

All these gorgeous shots of tiny shut-eyed beauties got me thinking about Hadman and what it was like to bring him home those 2+ years ago. Oh, how terrified and unprepared we felt. I’m tons more laid-back now, and Dave’s improved immensely. We’re kinda rocking it, parentally. Most of the time. 

Whenever we choose to have another (if we should be so lucky, knocking on lots of wood), I’m excited to try some things that, for one reason or another, didn’t work out with our first little guy. I’ll admit that, while I “tried” cloth diapering, I didn’t succeed — okay, I failed at it. So, that. There’s that.

Also, with how humongous our monkey was, babywearing didn’t really work out, either. It is what it is, but I hope to try it in the future. Maybe a future babe will enjoy it (and it’ll probably make life a bit easier with a bigger brother running around).

But enough of the stuff that didn’t work for us. Here are some of the stuff that I wouldn’t live without that worked out awesomely for us…

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#1 – It took awhile to decide on a pump to use at school everyday, so I took a risk purchasing this Medela In Style Advanced Breast Pump. Turns out, it wasn’t such a risk, after all! This thing is a work horse. It comes with everything you need (you’ll need to replenish your storage bags, but that’s pretty much it). Once you get the hang of, y’know, feeling like you’re being milked in a small space at work, it feels like routine — thanks to this machine. Considering how nerve-wracking the whole concept of pumping can be, having a pump you can trust with such a delicate process is golden.   

#2 – I know, I know. You’re thinking, “isn’t this supposed to be essentials for parenting a baby?” Yup. We read to Hadley from week one, and it’s pretty much his favorite thing to do today. And he’s two. This was our first Mo Willems book, and we’ve been addicted ever since. Have you met Elephant and Piggie? If not, you totally should. They’re the gateway drug to Pigeon. I also foresee some Knufflebunny in our future.

#3 – This Fisher-Price Space Saver High Chair (in a neutral color; ours is tan with polka dots) is probably the baby product with the most longevity. We used it from about 5-6 months until the present, and I foresee using it for awhile still. As the name implies, it saves the space of a regular high chair by utilizing a regular old dining chair as its base. When the time comes, this thing will store awesomely, too. I just can’t say enough good about it. Seriously.

#4 – Dave insisted that I include Sophie, and I can’t blame him too much. She’s a classic, she’s adorable, and Hadman lovingly chomped on her for quite awhile. Plus, giraffes turned out to be his spirit animal during his first year, so it was a perfect match. Don’t mind the price tag on this one; she’s worth it.

#5 – Glass bottles?! Are you insane?? Yes, but that’s beside the point. These classic Evenflo glass bottles worked wonderfully and put my super-obsessed mama mind to rest about BPA and all those other nasties, especially when warming. We also used the smaller 4 ounce size, especially when he was holding his own bottles. Side note: When the kiddos get bigger and you’re heading to a place that you know will have a tile floor, just keep an extra eye on the bottles. Made that mistake once; will never make it again.

#6 – If you’re a new mama and you’re having a hard time getting your little one to sleep at night, all I can say is — SWADDLE, SWADDLE, SWADDLE! Then swaddle some more. These organic muslin blankies are what I prefer thanks to their breathability (especially when your newborn is a summer baby) and flexibility, which allows just the right amount of movement and comfortable snuggliness. Seriously, it sounds crazy, but these were a lifesaver. Probably the only reason we got ANY sleep.

#7 – The sooner you get a potty chair, the better. Santa brought this Bjorn Baby potty, which has since lived in the kitchen (under the above Space Saver chair, actually) and is utilized daily. He’s not fully trained yet, but the fact that he’s shown an interest since about 18 months is incredible. Thank you, Santa! He also knows that it’s HIS special potty, so that’s pretty great, too. Quick tip: Get a cheap little plastic bin and leave a handful of board books, along with dipes and wipes, next to your main potty. You’ll get sick of the books (seriously, we could recite our four books from memory), but it’ll make potty time way easier and fun for everyone.

#8 – We got a few bottles of Baby Bee shampoo-and-body-wash for our shower, and I’m so glad we did. I don’t think I’ve had to buy a bottle yet! I just keep refilling my small one from the huge bulk-sized one. This is Hadman’s main soap (he’s also used one I had to review, which was fine), and I prefer it because a) it works, b) it’s natural, c) it smells AWESOME (he doesn’t smell like a little hippie baby; he smells just like a BABY…you know the smell…the one you want to bottle and never let go), and d) it makes for a super fun bubble bath. I’ve even been known to use it as shampoo when I’m low from time to time. #noshame #notsorry

What were some of your essentials? Do you agree/disagree with any of my suggestions?

Oh, and feel free to check out the rest of my baby list items (I’m still adding) if you need a few more suggestions. Hint: Cheapest organic crib mattress EVER. Just sayin’.