I’m Baaaack…and Married!

So, I’ve been MIA for a little while. The wedding took SO much time — any extra moment was spent doing even time-wasting Googling about wedding stuff. And, while I felt ashamed that it was taking up so much time, in the end, I’m glad we did! The wedding itself was absolutely PERFECT. Not a traditional wedding shindig in the least (sure, we got married in a church and danced at the reception), but fun and simply wonderful. We couldn’t have asked for a better day, better friends and family to share it with, better vendors to help make it perfect. Seriously. Awesome. (Finishing up our final wedding blog post at Momentville.)

Dave and I took LOTS of pictures during our honeymoon — and not because we’re freakishly kinky. Nope, other than wanting to remember the awesome time we had, we took the pics specifically for YOU GUYS! Really, we’d find something else wonderfully neat and Dave would say, “Oh, let’s get this one for the blog.” Didn’t I find a perfect guy?

So, we’ll start posting soon. Instead, I thought I’d share something very meaningful to both the mister and myself. We took the last day of the honeymoon to decompress, and a part of our decompression was grabbing lunch at our regular spot, Donna’s Diner. While there, we started brainstorming all the ways we want to make our marriage successful, small to majorly important. So, as written on our napkin, we give to you our…

Declaration of a Happy Marriage (10/13/2010)
– When it’s time to have kids, take them into our lifestyle, not create a new lifestyle for them.Yes, we want kids. It’s probably the biggest goal we have. If we’re meant to have them, our life goal will be achieved. And, while we don’t necessarily have a very crazy lifestyle right now, we’d like to be able to maintain the parts of our life that make us “us” — theater work (less, but still active), travel (especially to NYC — if I’d been able to experience the city when I was young, I think that my philosophies on life would’ve been more realistic), making movies, etc. It may sound unrealistic, but we want to give them ALL the time they deserve but not forget that we exist, if that makes sense.
– Keep eating healthy. (And get healthier in other ways.) Our trip to Vermont helped solidify this, and even has us brainstorming about how we can change things for MORE than just the Dellecese household.
– Be happy for what we have, but no excuses not to dream. We never want to take what we have and where we are for granted. At the same token, we won’t stand in each other’s way — and we won’t use our “comfort” stop us from considering a different future.
– Get out of ruts. It happens to everyone. We get busy. We get tired. We have those nights that we get home from work and hardly talk to each other, too zoned-out to notice. When that happens, inevitably one of us will notice — and, in the words of Mike Holmes, make it right.
– Have more friends over. One way that we’ll get out of ruts is by changing up our routine. Also, the wedding made us that “Oh, them? Are they still alive?” couple. I’m DYING to break out my new fondue set…wine…games….
– Take the time for date nights. Still another way to get out of a rut. Pretty self-explanatory.
– Appreciate one another. This is an easy one to forget, especially when life takes over.
– When we fight, remember our vows. Everyone fights. It’s inevitable. If two people are going to spend sooooo much darn time together and have opinions on things and sometimes disagree, a fight will happen. It’s also easy to say things that we don’t mean. This is when the sincerity and honesty of our vows will help get us through…among other things. 😉
– Do/say something kind every day. We already do this, whether we do it on purpose or not. From Dave making my lunches to my making dinner, I feel loved by the way he shows it, and I feel that I show him how much I love him in actions as much as anything. However, sometimes I get insecure and wonder… “Does he still love me, heads-over-heels, or is he just busy with work, or…?” So, we’re making a point to SAY something kind everyday, too. I think this’ll be a household rule as the family gets bigger.
– Help with and/or support each other’s dreams and attempts at achieving them. Some dreams don’t pan out. You don’t want your one and only partner to be down on them from the very beginning. “Stand by your man” (or woman, as it were). Even those goals one of us might be apprehensive about, I find, helping a person out with it helps you understand it. Open-mindedness!

There’s room to add, although I’m not sure Dave will give us a chance to before he frames it. I’m sure there are about 100+ more things that should be on the list, but we’re new at this. We also know that these don’t work for everyone, but given the 2 1/2 or so years that we’ve been together (and 1 1/2 living together), it’s what works for us! 🙂

And for those of you dying for a few more pictures, here’s our INCREDIBLE photographer’s blog. She’s still got plenty of time before we’ll be bugging her for the final versions of all the rest of the photos, but it was awesome of her to share these samples with us.

Keep an eye out for our honeymoon posts! Thanks for following.

How to Be a Wife…

So, one week from today, I’ll officially be a Mrs. I’m hoping for smooth sailing and a fun time out of the day, as well as the marriage, but I know that won’t necessarily be the case. I’m realistic — generally. 😉 I know there are things in life we can’t control; boy, do I! Luckily, Dave and I have supportive parents who didn’t mind that we decided to move in together before getting married. Heck, my purdy darn conservative mom FOUND the house for us. Psht. Granted, she knew he was planning on asking me to get married, so y’know.

I’ve thought a lot about how our relationship might change, what will stay the same. Much of it will be a continuation of “already issues” while the things that we enjoy will remain a constant comfort. At the same time, I know that I’ll be working on overcoming lots of my own flaws (or at least keeping them in check) in order to combat some of our issues — and I’m sure that new and exciting fun will help keep things fresh. Our involvement with the theater (and hopefully future involvement in different areas) ensures that things are hardly, if ever, dull!

So, how am I going to do this wife thing? Like I said, I’ve got some challenges ahead of me, but simultaneously I know that I’m ingrained with some pretty cool traits that helped Dave realize he wanted to marry me. (Just like Dave has traits that made me want to marry him — or else we wouldn’t be in this mess right now, lol!)

– We’re individuals. This was our first agreement as a couple; to maintain our own identities. It doesn’t mean that we don’t spend a lot of time together. It more means that we’re allowed to be ourselves (flaws and all, as long as they’re not hurtful or dangerous), which sometimes entails doing things separately. Let me just say that I can’t WAIT to get my piano! Oh, and he’s fine when I MUST MUST MUST watch one of my favorite cooking (odds are either Nigella or Ina) or design (odds are Sarah Richardson or Genevieve) shows. Clearly not an area that we share interest, but man is he forgiving…although, come to think of it, he’s never watched the Monkees with me.

– On the same token, we embrace our similarities. Some of our best quality time is spent watching great old movies. It seems like a small thing, but it’s one of the special similarities that make us work. We both read, and we pretty much read ANYthing, so we’re great at discussing the interesting points or what in the reading might affect our lives. Hell, we had a pretty great conversation tonight about the history of super heroes. Oh, and we met onstage, so we have a creative streak; unfortunately, I need to work on being critical without being OVERLY critical (I’m sure you know what that means!!!).

– We share the hard, little stuff. When he’s having a rough week, I mow the lawn or take out the garbage to take some of the stress off his shoulders. He scoops the cat pan and washes dishes way more often than I do. I generally cook a lot more than he does. They’re things that we don’t mind doing individually, but if we had to do it ALL alone, it would add resentment.

– I’m working on my patience. I know he must be working on his, too, because I’m not sure I could live with MYSELF if I had to. He worries far too much, but I try to rationalize and recognize WHY he worries. It all boils down to my own safety, and the safety of Beardslee. Those are his two priorities in the world, and it’s incredibly, importantly, wonderfully sweet — but sometimes it’s easy to look at small situations rather than the big picture and get frustrated. So, as a wife, I’ll be working on honing my patience level.

– We also embrace our future goals. For the most part, we enjoy doing home improvement jobs together. He’s learned so much from my stepfather, who ADORES teaching him what he knows, and I get to show off my “man skills” with power tools and dirty stuff without getting scoffed at. We truly enjoy discussing what our plans for the house are, and where our priorities lie. Of course, our other future goals include kids, and we discuss it quite a bit – but we don’t have a time frame. It’s good to know we’re on the same page on such a HUGE life change! …Oh, and I say “for the most part” because there are those times when Dave wants to, ohhhh, saaaayyyy, hang a chandelier on a Sunday afternoon, thinking it’ll take 30 minutes…while Meg knows full well that it’ll be more complicated than expected (aren’t all projects?!?!?!) and may last into the late evening. Yeah, it’s been known to happen.

– But that’s our only definitive goal. While we’re not necessarily yyyyooooooouuuuuunnnngg (my poor circulation and a daily reminder from 16-year-old girls are both far too blatant), we don’t want life to end upon marriage. At times, I feel “behind” — parenting was old hat to both of our sets of parents by the time they were our ages (Dave’s parents had both he and Dan; my parents had 3 out of 4 of their kids by this point) — but we’re also quite sure that we’re not 100% sure what our futures hold. We’re in agreement that life takes us in unexpected directions, and we have to be ready, prepared and supportive in case of such times. Life’s a journey, and marriage isn’t the end of it!

– Finally, I consider myself uber-lucky. Dave puts up with a lot from me. I may be the most wonderful person on Earth and all, but even I have some annoying and, at times, downright bitchy tendencies. (No, really, don’t we all? Man, I hope so.) And while Dave isn’t always all sunshine and rainbows, he deals with lots more from me than I do from him. So, when I get into one of my crappy modes, before too long I have to remind myself what life would be like without Dave in it. Then I have to make myself STOP thinking about that; just too hard. That generally smacks enough sense back into me to find the dude, hug him (if he’s nearby) and tell him how much I appreciate and love him. *sappy Full House audience “awwww”* That’s another wicked important thing to remember — if you THINK something positive, TELL them about it! You can never hear “I love you” too many times (um…unless doing it sarcastically, I suppose), but even the simple “I love the way you cook” or “Thank you for mowing the lawn, it looks awesome” comments mean a lot.

So, those are some of the things that will help this marriage succeed in the future. I know there will be tough times as well as wonderfully sweet, awesome times. I think we’ll be fine as long as we continue to enjoy watching a kitty do ninja kicks at invisible intruders throughout the living room together.