Bossypants

“Bossypants” is two things in my life right now; 1.) it’s the name of Tina Fey’s hysterical new book (which I happen to have just finished reading), and 2.) it’s a new nickname that the hubs loves using on me (only ever in jest, when he’s in cute mode). Well, he does deserve the right; he got me the book for my birthday. Anyhoo, if you’re looking for a humorous, not-too-much-thinking-involved summer book, I’d highly suggest it. I’ve got a list of other historically interesting, possibly droll titles for you, but yeah. This is your best bet.

For being a librarian (shhhhut your mouth, it’s actually “library media specialist” to those in “the know”), I don’t get to read nearly as much as I’d like. You start a book. It’s good, but not good enough to “not put down.” Life just takes over. It’s inevitable.

This is the first book I’ve finished in more than awhile – how ashamed! But, seriously, I’m glad it was as easy to read as it was, and that it made me want to come back every night (or most nights). I even avoided magazines. Yes, I’m a mag reader…probably because they’re so much shorter and tend not to make me think TOOOO much. It does hurt after awhile, especially when you’re trying to decompress before sleep.

While this book is very well-written, interesting, riddled with amusing anecdotes (lots for women, but enough humor to keep men laughing at nipple breast feeding stories. Seriously.), there’s a casual feel and organization to the book. It’s almost more of a book of short stories, with no true ending. But, again, if it wasn’t set up this way, I would have put it down only to never finish it, like so many other books I’ve got staring at me from shelves.

Some of the finer points (although there are simply too many to list here in full) include:

(About telling people of her infamous cheek scar) “My whole life, people who ask about my scar within one week of knowing me have invariably turned out to be egomaniacs of average intelligence or less. And egomaniacs of average intelligence or less often end up int he field of TV journalism. So, you see, if I tell the hwole story here, then I will be asked about it over and over by the hosts of Access Movietown or Entertainment Forever for the rest of my short-lived career.” I like the TV journalist bit, although it by no means is an attack to my friends (particularly my husband!) who work in TV.

“Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.”

“How can I give her what Don Fey gave me? The gift of anxiety. The fear of getting in trouble. The knowledge that while you are loved, you are not above the law. The Worldwide Parental Anxiety System is failing if this many of us have made sex tapes.”

“I taught Monica Lewinsky everything she knows…about eye cream.”

“I still have it somewhere in a cardboard box in my parents’ house. I know because my mom has been politely asking me to ‘maybe spend an hour going through those boxes’ for over twenty years now.” (Dude. Don’t we all have those boxes?! I felt like she was speaking right to me…and every other over-25-year-old in America.)

“Being chubby for a while is a natural phase of life and nothing to be ashamed of. Like puberty or slowly turning into a Republican.” (The chapters “Remembrances of Being Very Very Skinny” and “Remembrances of Being a Little Bit Fat” are short and roll-around-like-an-idiot funny.)

I <3 "Things I Learned from Lorne Michaels", mostly because it's easy to do the Dr. Evil-version voice while picturing the conversations. Oh, and FYI, she wrote Mom Jeans, Annuale and Excedrin for Racial Tension Headaches (and pushed for the Kotex Classic ad)…consider me a fan.

“It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.” (In reference to when people say things like “Jerry Lewis/Christopher Hitchens/other-male-comedians-who’ve-been-around-awhile says women aren’t funny”.) Mmm, Chinese. But, seriously, isn’t this one that we all have to take to heart a bit? My insecurities dictate that I MUST care what others’ opinions are…but why?! There’s some awesome, unexpected advice in this thing.

The full, sarcastic explanation of what to expect in case you ever find yourself at a magazine cover shoot (“and you might, because Snooki and I have, so anything can happen!”) is another reality-driven chapter making the average woman feel…better than average. Her ideas on Photoshop are downright wonderous. “Some people say it’s a  feminist issue. I agree, because the best Photoshop job I ever got was for a feminist magazine called Bust in 2004.” (awesome picture included) “…’We’re all feminists here, but you’re gonna use Photoshop, right?’ ‘Oh, yeah,’ they replied instantly. Feminists do the best Photoshop because they leave the meat on your bones.”

Five words: Zingers galore in “Dear Internet”. And the chapter about “being” Sarah Palin (“Sarah, Oprah, and Captain Hook; or How to Succeed by Sort of Looking Like Someone”) is as funny, if not funnier, than the title. It even includes original scripts to some of the Palin/Hillary openers. Treat!

Yeah, not to sound cheesy, but this whole book is a treat. If you’re uber churchy or stodgy (not the same thing, I am aware), it might not be your bag. But, if you can take a joke (duh, she’s a comedienne) and need a break from reading un-fun things, go for it. Especially the ladies, ‘cuz there’s lots for the ladies!

Okay, back to our regularly-scheduled blog topics.

“Bossypants” image from here.