Freakadeaky Soupballs

I usually hate cartoonish
pics, but this was sublime.

With all the challenges that I have not only overcome but conquered as a new mama, this has by far been one of the hardest: cutting back on the expletives. Dude. If you know me, I’m a bit of a sailor. Not in the “bravery on the ocean wide” way, but in the way that I occasionally slip a colorful expletive into my vocabulary.

But wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait — hold on a minute. That is right. I am a school librarian, and, yes, I do work with youngins. Let me tell you, especially on the frustrating days, it is tough not to sully the ears of the kids (not that they don’t hear it at home), but it’s part of my job to portray a certain social standard…so, I do just that. Educators are humans, though, and we all have our flaws. This is mine. (My only flaw. That’s right. No more. Mwahahahaha, couldn’t keep that in, teehee!! #tearwipe)

I also try to keep it clean on here, my tiny slice of the blogosphere pie. Oh, sure, once in awhile I let a “damn” or “hell” slip through, but usually I read and reread my posts so much that I edit out the nasties. After all, we’re in mixed company, and you never know who’s reading. Mister President. Sir Paul. Your majesty. How are you all on this fine, fine day? Splendiforous.

But, in my own home, things are a tad different. I let ’em fly. I’m also known to belch (hmm, maybe I am a sailor), but swearing happens far more simply because…well, I’ve got a bit of a temper.

Things that set me off? When the baby does the alligator death roll in the middle of changing him (every. single. time.)…when the cats meow LOUDLY after I set the baby down to sleep…when we’re running late…and any time I injure myself in the non-serious fashion (in a serious fashion, I tend to keep very much calm, somehow).

So, as you see, VERY life-altering, serious reasons for swearing, right? Not s’much. What can I say? It’s the Irish in me. I just have such a heated temper over the stupidest crap, and when the really important sh…tuff hits the fan, I’m pretty well able to handle it in a mature, calm fashion.

That being said, I’ve gotta try to clean up my act. I know that the baby understands what we’re saying now, for the most part, and probably has for quite some time (I’ve been in denial, what can I say?). In order to avoid the swears, I’m trying to come up with some replacement words, since we all know I can’t avoid getting my frustrations out verbally in some way, shape, or form.

Hence the blog title. Does anyone else have some expletive alternatives that, when you say them, sound SO silly that they make you laugh and forget what pissed you off in the first place? And if it can make the baby laugh at the same time, extra credit!

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